Alicia examined her grandmother’s hand laid across herown, older but still elegant and graceful with naturally manicured nails that she nourished only with oils. When Alicia was younger she would pretend to read her grandmother’s palm, as if she desired also to possess the heightened intuition Astrid had for people’s souls. Possibly she had it already, the whole family did, hence the acting ability, but what Alicia believed more than anything was that to understand anyone else’s soul you had to be keenly aware of your own. What she wanted right now was to be stripped back to her purest self, understand it, and rebuild who she was again.
‘You’re right as ever. My spirit is a bit damp. But I’m sure that being here will rekindle my spark.’
‘Oh, I will make sure of it. I have a few things planned for us. All enjoyable, of course.’ Astrid was never one to sit idle without a purpose. She knew that even peaceful activities could be constructive, and believed that moments spent sitting weren’t wasted if they allowed the mind to relax. Like a certain Scotsman Alicia knew.
Nursing their hot chocolates, Alicia and her grandmother chatted for a little longer about painting and family and Christmas, which Astrid would spend with her other son’s family in Oslo. Naturally, the time came when she enquired about Alicia’s trip to Scotland.
‘I wanted somewhere to unwind at the last minute,’ Alicia explained. ‘Somewhere biting and blustery to waken me up. And please don’t be offended that I didn’t come here first. I was nobody’s company last week.’Well, I was in the end but it wasn’t part of the plan.
‘Oh, I’m not offended at all. Did Scotland help?’
‘Oh, it definitely did.’ She tried to think of something solemn to stop herself from grinning but when hergrandmother beamed broadly and knowingly, the joy broke free from its shackles.
‘And is he handsome?’ Astrid enquired.
Alicia surprised herself at how hearty her laughter was. ‘Yes, and a lot more besides. Down to earth, unassuming, broad-minded, appreciates the simple things.’
‘Ah. He sounds like a catch. Would he not have liked a little holiday to Norway?’
‘Possibly, but he has a business to run in Scotland – a distillery – and my life is in LA.’
‘Well, that is a shame because he appears to light you up like a Christmas tree. And a distillery owner, too. Did you not think of your poor bestemor and how much she might like some free whisky?’
Alicia chuckled. ‘I will order you a bottle. And he does, did… make me very happy. I didn’t go to Scotland to meet a man, but meeting one helped forget myself and remember some nice things about myself too. So that is a win.’
‘Well, I hope to learn more about him.’ Astrid didn’t probe further. Her style was listening, allowing a person to notice their own thoughts then make choices. Alicia appreciated the chance to communicate more intuitively and wondered if she might tell her grandmother more about Jamie. Her not asking made Alicia itch to talk about him.
That evening Alicia and Astrid watched old movies with family members in them.
‘Oh, that moves me to tears every time.’ Astrid sniffed as the credits rolled on a film with Alicia’s mother and Connor in it. ‘And every time I notice something new.’ She wiped her eye. ‘I will never forget when I heard that they both hadbeen nominated for an Oscar. An award for you one day too, maybe?’
‘Ah.’ Alicia tucked her feet under her legs and curled the blanket over her shoulders. The fire was dimming now and they hadn’t put any more wood on it as it was nearing bedtime. ‘Thanks, but I’m no actress.’
‘Because you don’t wish to be or you do not believe in yourself? Because if it is the latter, I believe you very much should. I’ve seen you act, my darling, and you are a force of nature. You have as much talent as the rest of the family. Do not tell them I said this, but possibly even more because of your sensitive soul. You could get your agent to get you some interesting roles.’
‘No. I’m afraid that won’t be happening. I don’t think I have an agent anymore, for one thing.’
‘Would you like to talk about it?’ Astrid soothed Alicia’s shoulder with her warm hand.
Alicia shook her head. Telling her grandmother was the last thing she wanted to do. How could an older person get their head around taking nude photos for a lover, never mind having them on the internet for all to see. If even for a moment, her bestemor thought Alicia had chosen any of this, she would not be able to look the woman in the eye again.
But Astrid simply brushed invisible dust from Alicia’s shoulder and turned to the diminishing embers of the fire whilst draining the last of her herbal tea. Alicia did the same. Calmness penetrated moment by moment and thinking about LA was like shovelling fresh snow and seeing the dirty ground below. Was it spoiled to think her home town that way? Or could it be time for somewhere vastly different to fulfil the home role?
Before bed, Alicia ran a bath and browsed thebookshelf in the bedroom, filled with books from her past. As a teenager she had loved curling up under the covers to read when she should have been sleeping. Selecting a well-worn tale of high school twins dating another set of high school twins, her mind flashed to the book in her suitcase. Should she be reading that? Working on dissolving her shame? Ugh! She was on vacation. The heavy stuff could wait.
The following morning, thick snow flurried around like weightless pennies and Alicia followed the smell of fresh coffee to the kitchen where a platter of bread, cheese and salad waited atop the counter. Astrid was kneading dough and guilt swiped at Alicia for sleeping in.
‘I must be tiring you out.’ Astrid pummelled the dough with her palms.
‘It could be the mountain air, and being away from all my worries. What are these?’ Alicia moved towards a basket on the counter filled with pine cones, leaves, twigs and stones. She encased a cone in her palm, the rough graze of it on her skin piercing her with needles of comfort.
‘Oh, a few things from when you were younger. I thought you might like to be reunited with them.’
As she rolled the pine cone in her fist, Alicia remembered. Many years ago, she and her brothers had stayed here for their summer vacation while their parents were filming. They spent the days running wild in nature, building dams and dens, role-playing mountain warriors and collecting cones and leaves and anything they could find in nature. There wound up being nearly as much nature in the house as outside, but, instead of telling them to put everything back, their grandmother laid out sheets of paper, glue and paints and told them to make a collage. Her brothers soonran back outside to role-play being warriors again, but Alicia spent hours absorbed in collage making and sketching.
‘My idea for today is working with these,’ said Astrid. ‘Nature is hidden beneath the snow today, but these are not. So let’s…’
‘Make Christmas wreaths!’ Alicia chimed like a child.
