‘Aye, besides a wee thing the other day, we haven’t. Not for want of sexual chemistry. It’s complicated. It was all going great until we went to see Cherry’s mum, who set off a bunch of fucked-up thoughts Cherry has about not being a good enough wife. She’s convinced that she can’t be what I need.’
‘Which is what exactly?’ Jamie removed his baseball cap and streaked his hand through his dark, sweat-damp hair.
‘A “normal” wife, a mum. Her own mum kind of reinforces the ideal, doesn’t believe in her own daughter.’
Jamie stared at Sean for longer than Sean was entirely comfortable with. His brother was reading him, scanning all the data and about to deliver a sensible, measured solution. Nevertheless, it was intimidating.
‘Okay, ignoring the bit about you having a “normal” anything… The mum thing… What is that?’ Cap back on, Jamie embarked on some quad stretches, perhaps to make this easier for Sean.
Sean absent-mindedly stretched too. ‘It’s complicated. I don’t want to say too much. But it’s kind of linked to her poker player lifestyle, other things that happened in her past.’
‘Ah, okay, say no more. You don’t need to share her private stuff with me.’
Jamie’s near sixth sense was helpful, meaning Sean could avoid explaining the finer detail. ‘I’ve tried telling her that families are built in different ways, that my half-brother is my cousin, three of us are adopted, etcetera. But it’s like meeting you all has made things worse. She sees the family as too perfect and is convinced I deserve better. Basically,I’ve persuaded her to stay for two months and do the poker pro-am thing. I’m hoping it might make things a bit clearer for me, too. But after that, she’s gone. I’ll never see her again. I’m taking her to meet Mum on Friday and dreading it.’
‘Okay, okay.’ Jamie raised his palms. ‘Let’s back-pedal a wee bit and unpack a few things.’
‘Uh-oh, the business speak is out.’ Sean’s jest betrayed his worry that he was about to be hit with wisdom he’d been hiding from.
But Jamie ignored the playful jibe. ‘That wee hidden nugget in what you said tells me a lot.Youneed things to be clearer. On one hand, you’re telling her it’s all fine and you can adopt or something, but you need time to think. Why is the “you” in this equation buried so deep it’s practically hidden?’
Sean had to concede. ‘That’s a point I don’t have an answer to.’
‘Right. First things first, doyouwantto adopt kids? How much have you thought about that?’
This was such a simple question, yet it went right to the crux of the matter. ‘I dunno. I suppose we grew up with it, so I thought why not?’
‘Because it’s a massive deal – you don’t need me to tell you that – and if you need to think on things, then perhaps that’s not the best solution to chuck out there right now.’
‘Aye, fair enough. I’ve thought about it from time to time but haven’t had to go too deep.’
‘And maybe it’s not what Cherry wants,’ Jamie added another salient point. ‘So, putting that to the side, what is important is how you and Cherry feel about one another.’
Jamie’s positive tone gave Sean cause for optimism. ‘Care to expand?’
‘As a matter of fact, I do.’ He smiled that warm, wry smile of his, and Sean loosened further.
‘Listen,’ Jamie said, ‘when I met Alicia, I didn’t get given a folder with her history to peruse, and I certainly didn’t have a time machine. I had no idea what our future would be like. All I knew was how I felt about her. She’s the love of my life, plain and simple. Maybe we’ll have a family, maybe we won’t, but no way am I letting her go. Not now, not ever. And you’ve, unfortunately, come into this a completely different way around. Armed with some sort of knowledge that confuses things. What I say is, put that aside and focus on how you and Cherry make one another feel. She’s the one, right?’
‘Aye. Hundred percent.’
‘Great. She needs to know that. If she believes it, she might feel more confident in staying. She’s only known you five minutes, remember? She’s still feeling her way to see if she can trust you. Be there for her if she wants to open up. When I met Alicia, she was holding onto stuff about her past. I could sense it, but I couldn’t force it out of her. Luckily, we got there in the end, albeit with a bit of drama along the way. Being snowed in with nowhere else to go might have helped.’
‘Aye, no chance of any snow in this weather.’ Sean dug his foot into the warm evening sand. ‘Thing is, we’re living in the same house, and the tension is insane. She’s right on the other side of the bedroom wall, J. It’s too fucking much.’
Jamie scrubbed his jaw. ‘Trust takes time. Stop trying to fix things and go with the flow and show her you’re there for her. To talk if she needs to talk. And, you know, Kinshore has this way of getting under people’s skin.’
‘Aye, that’s true.’
‘Whatever you do, take it easy.’ Jamie rested a reassuring, solid hand on Sean’s shoulder. ‘It’s been a full-on few years, not to mention the last six months. You’ve been dealing with tons of stress.’
‘Och, I’m fine.’ And there he was, Captain Coping again. Why did he do this, in front of his big brother no less? It was so hard-wired into his brain that it was hard to let go of.
Jamie quirked a brow. ‘Mibbes aye, mibbes naw. Look after yourself, wee bro. Mum doesn’t need to lose a son as well as a husband. You can cancel the poker tournament, if need be, and focus on the cycling.’
‘Aye, I could do.’ Not for one second would Sean consider this; it would be like dishonouring his dad. ‘But I plan to raise a shitload of money for the charity. Cherry’s got great connections.’
‘So do you. Connor, for one. And his pal. The Duff guy.’
