Amanda didn’t miss a beat; she was used to joking deflection from her son. ‘I think you know that’s my point. You marry two days after meeting her, one month after your dad’s death. If I had to guess which of my children would do something like this, it would be you, but it doesn’t mean I’m not concerned.
‘Mum, please don’t worry. It’s fine. I’m fine. Cherry and I are good. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to overshadow Cal and Bea or worry you. And then life got a bit busy. I’m here now, though.’
Seemingly placated, Amanda raised another salient point. ‘And what is happening with the Tennessee job swap? Is that going by the wayside? You’ve been so keen for a change of scene, and it’s a great opportunity.’
Sean didn’t have an answer to this one. If his marriage had legs, it would be easier to decide whether he should take the job swap he had lined up at a cooperage in the States, visa pending. He would simply ask Cherry to go with him. But he wasn’t keen to squander the opportunity if she’d be gone.
‘Aye, I know,’ he said. ‘Cherry might come with me. It’s all in hand, honestly.’
Amanda narrowed her gaze as if she knew he was sparing her the truth. But she stopped the interrogation, possibly due to not having the bandwidth amidst her own grief. For this Sean was grateful, as Cherry’s business was her own, which made it difficult to share.
‘How long before I get to meet Cherry then, rather than experiencing her vicariously through village gossip? I’d like to be introduced to the person who can give Elaine and Shona a run for their money. And possibly even my son.’ Amanda lifted her mug of tea, but not before Sean caught the softening in her eye.
‘Sorry.’ He unwrapped the red and silver foil of a Tunnock’s tea cake. ‘I’ll bring her to meet you soon.’
‘Yes, you will. I want a sit-down dinner, just the three of us, since the others appear to have met my latest daughter-in-law already.’
‘Ach, only Jamie and Alicia have really met her. Ineeded witnesses and didn’t want to bother you. Everyone else was a whirl round at the wedding. You’re more important than that.’ His mum’s approval of his wife mattered, even if Cherry wouldn’t be his wife for long.
‘Good, I’m looking forward to seeing her put her mark on Kinshore.’ Amanda bit into a tea cake herself. ‘She’s made a good start.’
‘Aye, it’s a strong beginning, alright. And she’s helping me organise a charity poker tournament. For MND.’
‘A poker tournament and the Kintyre Way? Isn’t that taking on too much?’
‘Och, you know I like to keep busy. Speaking of which, does anything need done around here? I can fix that broken door for you.’
‘Thank you, darling. The door is fine for now.’ Amanda pressed at her cuticles before raising her eyes to Sean, her expression flooding him with emotion. ‘You’re so like your dad – never stopping, always thinking of other people. I see him the most clearly in you, for obvious reasons. Make him proud, but please don’t overdo it. You’re grieving.’
Hold it together, Seany. For her sake.
‘Mum, listen.’ Sean reached out for her hand. Making his mum feel better and keeping the home fires burning was the thing. When Cherry was gone, there would still be family, and he would do them proud. ‘Don’t worry about me, please. Cherry is the one organising the poker tour. I’m just the tagalong guy who’ll put the money in the bank. She’s got so many contacts, and we could get Connor from our end. Dad would have approved.’
Amanda heaved in a deep breath, her eyes shining.
‘The wedding kind of kept us going, eh?’ Both his parents had wanted their eldest son to get married asplanned, but Sean had known it would involve a comedown for all of them afterwards.
Tersely, she nodded as if more would be too much. ‘It was a beautiful wedding. Bea was stunning; Cal was smiling…’
‘Miracles do happen.’
She tilted her head, amusement breaking through the soft tears. ‘Say that to your brother’s face. Or don’t. You know, I’ll be glad to see that smile on your face.’
‘I am smiling. Can’t you see it?’
‘Yes, Sean, I can, but I’ve seen you smile brighter.’
It was hard to tell if his mum suspected something about his marriage or if she interpreted the dimmed wattage of his expression as grief for his dad. Distracting her with a question that homed in on his dad’s character would hopefully buoy her spirits.
‘Do you think Dad would have disapproved of me marrying Cherry so quickly?’ He tried to think of the dad in his most recent memory, unable to speak but still communicating through special software on a tablet. He would have told Sean what he thought. The dad of old, before he got sick, would have sat him down with a whisky and talked it through. His few questions would be sharp and incisive, getting to the crux of the matter.‘Do you love her? Are there any regrets? Is there enough money in the bank for all of this?’
That last one could mean literally and metaphorically.
God, he missed those chats. Wished he’d written down the advice given to him over the years, stuck it in a notebook to hand down to his own children – if he had them. Although, they’d probably laugh at the things he’d asked his dad about girls.
‘He would have come round, eventually.’ Amandatwisted her wedding ring, causing Sean to divert his mind to the door that needed fixing. He couldn’t break in front of her, not when she was going through the worst time of her life, losing her beloved husband of thirty years. The husband she should have had thirty more years with, who should have been at Cal and Bea’s wedding. Who should have proudly welcomed grandchildren into the world with her – Sean’s own children, especially poignant since he was Jimmy’s only biological child. And who should have been around to ask Sean, intimidatingly, what on earth he was doing marrying someone he’d known for two days.
Would Sean have married Cherry were his dad alive? Was it grief dragging him along? Were they grief nuptials – a symptom of losing the plot in a sneaky and subtle way since his dad had gone? Could this be how the tricky little fucker that was grief worked? Causing him to make a bad decision he was unable to admit?
