Oh, for a game of poker with crisps.
‘Okay, Mum. Thanks for the reading, but I’ll finish the dishes, and then Sean and I might head off.’
‘You’ve not even had coffee and Jaffa Cakes yet.’
‘I know. Another time, eh?’
‘Okay, sweetheart.’ Pam seemed a little downcast, but she disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a folded piece of paper, which she passed to Cherry. ‘I wrote this once but never gave it to you. Perhaps you might like it now.’
Cherry unfolded the paper and read.
A mother is not made by a footprint in the sand.
Love does not begin with a clasping of the hand.
I carried you inside me, your heart beating with mine.
And though I never held you, I’m your mummy for all time.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Cherry’ searched for something to hold onto. Anything. A piece of furniture. A cup. Her husband. In the end, she gripped the paper harder. Why the hell had her mum given her this now? Was it meant to be a comfort? Because all it did was throw her right back into the tragedy of the past. Did Pam want her to break down in front of her new husband? Was she trying to test their mettle?
‘The death of a dream. A dream so many women realise, but not you, Cherry. Not you. Still, have a poem to break your heart. I meant well.’
All she could do was stare at the words and try to act normal. Not give anything away to Sean.
Oh, Sean. Beautiful Sean. Her husband to die for. The King of Cups. King of Hearts. She could hold the tears in right now, but beyond these walls, how could she carry on as if nothing had happened? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.
Sean deserved better than this, and Cherry knew it. She’d seen the vulnerability behind his confidence; he was a man with a heart, with hopes, with dreams. He’d elevated her into the ranks of the most important women in his life. Told her how he saw his future. A house filled with love.
The thing she’d been reminded she might be incapable of offering. That, if he’d known two days ago, may have altered entirely whether he’d proposed or not.
Now she would need to do the closest thing to going back in time and changing the past.
She would have to talk to him and tell him that they’d made a huge mistake.
Chapter 5
Sean
The evening sunshine glared through the windscreen, blinding Sean physically, adding to the mental disorientation. Thank God they were still parked at the caravan site, or he’d be in a ditch by now.
Something had changed in Cherry since they’d walked the fifty feet from her mother’s home, and he had no idea what was going on.
‘Cher?’ He reached his hand across the gear stick to hers. ‘What’s up?’
She was staring dead ahead, lost in thought, but her fingers moved gently across his knuckles. For a moment or two, she stared straight ahead, searching for something Sean knew wasn’t outside the car. It was in her mind.
‘Sorry about my mum,’ she said at last, tugging her hand away.
‘What’s to be sorry about?’ Sean leaned on the steering wheel and hoped Cherry would turn to him. ‘I like her. Plus, she brought you into the world.’ He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Was it okay to do that? She might find the gesture patronising. Despite her being hiswife, he didn’t know Cherry all that well. This was a moment when he wished they could fast forward and understand one another better.
But she grabbed his hand again before he had time to pull it away, brought it to her lips and kissed his fingers. ‘Sean,’ she murmured.
What was this? It was the action of someone saying goodbye. But they’d barely met, and nothing had gone wrong yet. Had it?
‘Cherry, you’re going to have to talk to me here; I don’t have a scooby what’s going on. Things were fine – they were great – but something’s happened and the vibe has changed. It wasn’t the waffles, so was it the cards?’
