Aselfishfeeling?
I let my hand fall lifeless to my side and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
“If you’re sorry, please leave and never get in contact with my son again.” She tries to sound firm, but her eyes are pleading with me. “You’re both still young, still haven’t experienced the world. Whatever happened when you were surviving, was just that—desperate measures for a desperate situation. It means nothing in the real world. I heard you’re smart, so surely, you understand that?”
I nod, even though a ball has lodged itself at the back of my throat, making it hard to breathe.
“Yulik has always been reckless and impulsive.” She strokes his hair, smiling softly. “Even when he was inside me, he was kicking all the time, couldn’t wait to get out. He’s an affectionate boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and goes all in when he cares, but that gets him in trouble with his dad, and it worries me to no end. You know…”
She looks at me, her eyes bright with an unnatural shine. “When he called me while he was at the camp, he wouldn’t stop talking about you. Vaughn this and Vaughn that. He asked me if he was more like you, would his dad stop hating and hitting him, or would he still find fault in him anyway?”
My heart squeezes as my hands ball into fists. I hate Yaroslav with everything in me.
“I told him he’s perfect the way he is, because he is to me. Everything that’s happened in my life has been worth it because I’ve had him and Alina.” She stares at me, the weight of her eyes sharp. “And I won’t allow him to be hurt more than he already is.”
“I don’t want to hurt him either.”
“You will by just existing near him.” She lets out a sigh. “I’m not an idiot. I know he has some form of crush on you. He’s never spoken about anyone the way he spoke about you.”
My lips tremble and I purse them shut, because for another impulsive heartbeat, I contemplate begging her to let me be with him, even if just for one more moment.
“But you know that’s impossible, right? You can’t be together. I don’t know about your side, but here, he’llbe killed for being with a man. Do you want him dead, Vaughn?”
My gaze strays to him, to his peaceful expression and the bruises, and I remember the protectiveness I felt when I watched his dad beating him up.
I guess it started from there—these dangerous, reckless feelings I can’t stop.
Or maybe they started when I first met him and just continued to grow.
But Ihaveto stop this.
Because his mom is right. This will only end badly, not only for both of us, but also for our families.
With a choked breath, I shake my head as an answer to her question. “Never.”
“Then stay away.” A tear slides down her cheek. “Take that as a sick mother’s dying wish. I just want to protect my boy. You understand, right?”
I want to say so much more, to plead with her to let me be with him for ten more minutes.
No, five is enough.
But no words come out.
With one last look at him, I nod and leave, intent on completely erasing whatever feelings have started to blossom for Yulian.
Nip them in the bud.
Kill them before they’re born.
I just refused to admit I might have abandoned my heart in that hospital room when I left.
35
YULIAN
PRESENT
Istare at Vaughn for long, endless moments after he finishes telling me what really happened four years ago.
