“But the second he returned, the grave split open, and everything I’d killed inside me came back alive. I fought it, I swear I did, Mom…Dad. I tried so hard to stay away, but I kept running back to him. Every time. I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Dad asks.
“Because this will destroy your hard work after all the time, money, and energy you put in me. I was born to be a leader, and this ruins everything.”
Mom stands up and then sits on the armrest of my chair and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “First of all, you weren’t born to be a leader, you were born to be yourself and our son. Before anything else, you’re our son, Vonnie, all right? Second of all, there’s no such thing asdestroying our hard work, because you didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t choose who you love. I just wish you’d told us earlier.”
“I couldn’t even admit it to myself, Mom. I still struggle with the weight of responsibility and my feelings, and I’m juststuck.”
“Unstuck yourself, then. Fuck responsibilities.” Dad stands up and sits on the other side of me.
“But…” I look up at him. “I can’t be a leader if I’m with a guy.”
“Says who?”
“The codes of the Bratva.”
“Fuck those. We’ve evolved. The old men will die eventually, so fuck them. And, son, I’m still around. You don’t have to worry about leadership for decades—or forever if you don’t feel like it.”
“No. I do want to be like you, Dad.”
“Then you will.” He strokes my hair. “Whether a man or a woman stands by your side is none of anyone’s business. I’ll kill anyone who thinks it is.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding for…years,actually, slumping into my chair from the force of it.
“Powerful men can be gay, Vonnie.” Mom strokes my shoulder. “Your uncle Anton and my best friend, Maks, are a clear sign of that, remember? They’re the most powerful men I know, and they’re living their best life in Russia, of all places.”
Dad raises a brow. “I thoughtIwas the most powerful man you know, Solnyshko.”
She hits his shoulder teasingly. “You know what I mean.”
Dad looks at her the way he always does—like just being near her is enough. I grew up watching them, two halves locked together, partners in everything. I wanted that.
I still do.
The difference is, I thought it had to be with a girl. But the only person I can picture by my side is Yulian.
Fuck.
Is he my partner the way Mom is to Dad? He’s reckless, rough around the edges, and has nothing of Mom’s diplomacy—and yet he’s the only one I can see standing with me.
Maybe Gareth was right?
“Point is,” Mom says. “Don’t let your sexuality shackle you. Being straight or gay doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy.”
“I’m not straight or gay. Bi, maybe. I don’t know, actually. I prefer to be unlabeled. I just…care about Yulian more than I thought possible. It started…forget it. I don’t want to bore you.”
“Nonsense. You’re our only son,” Dad says. “Why would you bore us?”
Mom strokes my shoulder. “Go on. Tell us more about Yulian.”
“I hated him in the beginning, you know. He was so loud and violent and had blood on his hands when he came to say hi on the first day. I had to remain calm and remind myself that I was at the camp because I had to be there, and that was all. But over the weeks we spent together, I became secretly jealous of how free he looked all the time. He didn’t carry any of the responsibilities I thought I had to wear at all times.”
“Is that what you thought all along?” Dad asks.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s not your fault, I just…think too much.”
“We definitely don’t want you to feel like you owe us anything, son.”
