It’s been this way from the beginning, from when I smiled at him the first time we met and he glared at me.
We’ve had an unbalanced bond since then. He always stands tall, while I’m the one who takes the burn.
“I said stop!” He shoves me away with a hand to my chest, breathing harshly, his lips all red and bitten.
My own breaths fill the air as I sway in front of him.
He straightens, fixing his bow tie and jacket with jerky movements. “The fuck you think you’re doing, Yulian? We’re in public.”
“Right. Public.” I laugh, and he frowns.
Vaughn removes the cigarette from my hand and squashes it under his shiny shoe. As I watch the ember flicker and die, I don’t know why it feels as if he just smashed my heart.
“What am I to you?” I ask in a low rumble, still looking at his shoes.
“What do you want me to say so you’ll stop whatever you’re going on about right now?”
My eyes slide to his cold ones. “Am I just a fuck buddy? Not even worthy of feelings, like Danika?”
“You and Danika are entirely different.”
“I know. She was your girlfriend. I’m nothing.”
“You’renotnothing, Yulian.”
“Then what the fuck am I?” I raise my voice.
“That’s the second and last time you yell at me, are we fucking clear?” He squares up to me, jamming a finger against my chest. “You’re not the only one who can yell. Know your goddamn place.”
“And what is that, Vaughn?” I ask. “My place, I mean.”
“What the hell do you want me to say?”
“Something. Anything.”
“Well, here’s something.” He stands taller, his voice shrouded in cold control. “We can’t be in a relationship, because our circumstances don’t allow it. We both knew this arrangement was temporary and not going to last, so I’m not sure why you’re acting this way right now.”
“Temporary. Not going to last,” I repeat, releasing a humorless chuckle. “Are those the thoughts you had about us from the beginning? Did that pretty head of yours doom us to an end before we even started?”
“That’s what it is!” It’s his turn to lose his cool, pulling and loosening his bow tie before he releases a breath. “We have duties toward our families. We can’t be together in the long-term, Yulian. Youknowthat.”
“If we can’t be together in the long-term, isn’t it better to stop wasting each other’s time now?”
“That’s not what I meant.” His eyes flash, then his voice softens. “That’s not what Iwant.”
“Well, tough shit. You don’t always get what you want.” I grab the helmet and shove it on as I hop on the bike and rev the engine.
Vaughn’s hands lock around the handlebars, blocking me in. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I get all of you, or I walk away. I’m done settling for half.”
His lips part to say something, but he seals them again and steps out of my way, like the coward he is.
Fuckhim.
I speed out of the parking lot, feeling like I’m about to burst from my skin. I ride for a few hours, feeling the wind, then getting into a fight with a bunch of idiots at the gas station. I hate those places now.Heruined them for me.
My ride goes on and on until I feel like my head is about to explode. I only go back to the hotel around dawn, completely depleted. Need to fly back and let Cy say “I told you so.”
