“I know, right? I’m uncontainable.” He looks at me for a breath, then stares out at the sky again. “What about you?”
My grip tightens around the bottle, but I say nothing.
“Come on.” He nudges me. “You can tell me. I can keep a secret.”
“It’s just… I’ve never really thought about it. My life is prewritten, so I haven’t considered any other options, to be frank.”
Yulian’s lips part, but then they curve in a smile. He’s always smiling around me. “You’d be the nerdy literature professor who wears glasses and breaks his students’ hearts.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you’re in love with the local tattoo artist, duh. As a result, all your students who have sneaky crushes on you would be so heartbroken.”
My lips twitch in a smile. “And how did I meet this tattoo artist?”
“You went on a hike to get inspired and fell, and he saved you, and you kind of hit it off since that night. He was your first guy.”
“Mm, and wasIhis first?”
“Nah, he’s a flirt, but like a reformed manwhore, and he’s very much only into you now. The professor, I mean.”
I chuckle.
It’s a made-up scenario, but a part of me yearns for it. For being…nobodies. The picture of holding hands in public, even with people around. For not tensing up the moment I hear the cars on the highway, thinking one of them will come over and see us.
I sigh as I stare at the hues of orange and magenta illuminating the sky. “I bet they’d be watching the sunrise together like this. The tattoo artist and professor, I mean.”
“Totally.” He pauses. “You like sunrises?”
“Mm. I never stop to watch them, though. I’m usually running or swimming or working out during this time of the day.”
“I prefer sunsets.”
“Why?”
“Because after it, there’ll be night.” He squeezes my finger. “I love the night. It’s where I can be myself.”
My chest constricts, my words slipping away before they can form, so I lace my fingers through his instead. His hand is warm, steady, so perfectly right, it makes me wonder why I’ve never held it before now.
“This sunrise is stunning, though.” He grins. “I swear, random gas stations have the best sunsets and sunrises. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Mm,” I say, looking at his face glowing in the early morning light.
He’s so gorgeous, my chest hurts.
And I really don’t want to leave him later today.
Sure, I can change schools next semester, but then what? This is only a phase that will eventually come to an end.
Only,eventuallyis not today, and I’m going to be selfish. I’ll get my fill of this beautiful nightmare until I can’t.
“Yulian?”
“Yeah?”
“What would hurt you the most to lose?”
“Chaos, so don’t burn her.”
