I swallowed hard. I missed the fuck out of him, but for some reason I was hesitant. “You thought I was capable of doing the same thing to you?”
He exhaled hard and sat back against the cushions. “Briefly. My mind went into overdrive, thinking that if I pissed you off bad enough, you could have me taken out of here and no one would know what happened. Mythic is my brother, and I’m more than sure he has a body count, but I wasn’t a witness to any of that. That shit makes me nervous. I don’t want to lose you. If you got caught, that was exactly what would happen.”
I looked away from him and thought about what he was saying. When I turned back to him, shocking my damn self, I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how my decision would affect anyone. It was like all I could see was Indigo’s lifeless body. I wanted everyone involved in her demise to get what was coming to them. I don’t have actual proof that he knew what Vanessa did, but if he was a good pharmacist, then he checked everything to be sure it was filled correctly. He had already gotten in trouble before for giving someone the wrong prescription. My gut told me he knew. I didn’t take that feeling lightly.”
I closed my eyes as he continued rubbing my hand. When I reopened them, I asked, “So you want me back as your fiancée or just to be in your life?”
That was definitely a question I needed clarity on, because I didn’t want to take a step backward. I would only be in his life as his fiancée or his baby mama but not simply a girlfriend.
He leaned over and grabbed the ring from the table and stared into my eyes as he slid it back on my finger. “I want you to be my wife. That hasn’t changed, baby. I’m so sorry. I hate that you weren’t with me. Noni completely avoided me untileverything was over, and I knew it was because she thought it would be hard on me seeing her. It was hard on me anyway. You were all I could think about, hoping that I didn’t fuck us up.”
The tears fell from my eyes, and he gently swiped them away. “I love you so much, Bali. I could never leave you. My anger was speaking loudly. I’ll die for you, girl. Despite me being uncomfortable with what you did, you’re still my better half . . . my heart. God put us together. Nothing can trump that. I’d be a fool to not want to spend the rest of my life with you, raising a beautiful family.”
I closed my eyes and turned away from him for a moment. I stared at the ring, thinking about our baby that we conceived in love. Carter’s hand had begun trembling. Before I could finally respond, he said, “Bali, please tell me I didn’t fuck up, baby. Tell me my actions didn’t cause me to lose my future. Without you, there’s no me.”
When the tears fell down his cheeks, I wiped them away and kissed his lips. “I love you, Carter. I’m not going anywhere. I still want to marry you. I just wanted to be sure that you knew, without a doubt, that you still wanted me.”
He pulled me in his arms and kissed my forehead. His body was still trembling. I pulled away from him, and said in a low voice, “I have something to tell you.”
He swiped the hair from my face and asked, “What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
He was silent for a while, then he smiled. “You’re having my baby?”
“Yeah. Are you upset?”
“Upset? Hell naw. Why would I be upset?”
“You said you wanted to be married first.”
“As long as we are married before the baby gets here, I’m good with that. I knew you were taking the medication. Have you had your first appointment yet? When did you find out?”
I lowered my head for a moment, feeling the sadness of that day. “I found out the day I brought your ring to you. I didn’t want to tell you then, because I didn’t want that to be the reason you wanted me back. Plus, you had a national championship to win. You had enough on your plate, mentally. Had you said we couldn’t be together, I would have waited until later to tell you. Noni examined me the day you left. I’m seven weeks now.”
“Damn, baby. When is your next appointment?”
“In two weeks.”
He kissed my forehead, then leaned his against mine. “So when we gon’ get this marriage license and make it official?”
“Whenever you want to do it.”
“I honestly think Red may be ring shopping soon. He and Noni have been all over each other. So we can secretly do it now, like we originally planned, or wait to see what happens. I can talk to him and find out what their timeline looks like.”
“Let’s do it now. We can get married one day next week, but just me and you.”
“You sure? What about your family?”
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and thought about it. I was being selfish again. “You’re right. Talk to Red and let me know what he says. If he’s doing it soon, we’ll wait for them.”
He pulled me in his arms and kissed my head once again. I slowly shook my head. “This was by far the scariest time of my life. I had been trying to figure out how I would move on without you, being a single mom. I knew that I would never be with anyone else. Who else would put up with my mean ass like you?”
He chuckled. “You ain’t mean, baby. You no-nonsense, and you don’t have a filter. Your heart is beautiful. Everybody just ain’t meant to see that shit.”
He laid his hands on my stomach. “We’re gonna be parents. Damn. That’s the best news I’ve ever gotten, besides the news that you will still be my wife one day.”
“I’ve missed you so much. I’m glad I don’t have to figure shit out alone. I love you, Carter.”
