This situation was tough to be in, but I knew I needed to get myself together. There was no way I could go on like this. As I sat up in bed, prepared to pull it together, there was a loud banging at my door. I frowned hard because somebody was about to get told to get the fuck on.
I went to the door and opened it, fully prepared to go the fuck off until I saw Red. When I opened the door, his eyebrows lifted. He nodded repeatedly. “So you just leave and not say nothing? I was looking all over Maui’s house for you. Why didn’t you say you were leaving?”
He walked inside, brushing by me. I closed the door and huffed loudly. “I needed time to myself,” I said, the tears falling down my cheeks all over again.
He came to me and gently swiped the tears away with his thumb. “You and Bali need to sit down and have a serious conversation, without all the fucking yelling and cussing each other out. Y’all acting like teenagers.”
I pulled away from him and went to the couch and sat.Nigga, you can get the fuck out of my fucking house.After taking a deep breath, I said, “You couldn’t begin to understand the bond we have as twins, Red. If you and Carter were in disagreement about something, and you couldn’t seem to find a solution, you would just walk away?”
He came and sat next to me. “I suppose you’re right, baby. I just hate to see you so upset. It’s been like this for a while now. MaybeIshould talk to Bali.”
I gave him the side-eye. “I wouldn’t recommend that. I’m trying to honor you and practice restraint. She won’t restrain a thing. I know you remember how she tried to get at you last time.”
“Yeah, but I was somewhat hostile when I approached her. That was the wrong move. I need to be calm when I talk to her. Baby, I’m not trying to change you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. He placed his fingers under my chin and turned my head to him. “I just want respect as the man in your life. I can’t handle you talking to me like I’m a bitch ass nigga.”
Sometimes, you act like a bitch ass nigga, though.“I love you, Red. I don’t want to lose you. Let me try to talk to her again first.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Me talking to her will cause us to break up?”
I turned away from him. Bali would cuss him for filth, and I could imagine he would want me to intervene. That was my sister. I was already choosing him over her. If I went against her in a moment like that, I would lose her forever. Bali was petty and vindictive at times. While she had a soft side, that shit was reserved for certain people and certain moments. Anything involving Red wouldn’t be one of those moments.
“Noni, you would break up with me if me and Bali didn’t come to an agreement?”
“No, but you would break up with me. While you think Bali isn’t practicing restraint, she is. If she hasn’t put her hands on you yet, she is practicing a lot of restraint, because she’s had plenty of opportunities. She don’t forget shit. She’ll fuck you up out the blue over something you did or said last month, without warning.”
“You the same way. You can’t talk.”
I glanced at him and saw the smirk on his lips. I gave him a slight smile, and said, “Not with people I love. She don’t give a fuck who it is.”
He chuckled, relieving my nerves. “Yeah, I can believe that. I’ll let you talk to her first. I know that she and I need to have a conversation, though. Maybe Carter should be there, too. We are both too hotheaded. We need a calm presence between us.”
I nodded. He was talking like he had some sense now. Red spoke before thinking sometimes, and that wasn’t good, being that he had a temper. Bali would react to what he said immediately. I leaned into him, wishing this shit would just be over. I missed my sister.
He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Noni.”
I felt tingles all over my body whenever he expressed his love. Like Mythic, I believed Red Squared was slightly misunderstood. He was under a lot of pressure in the rodeo industry. Carter was, too, but I believed Carter was better at handling the pressure than Red was. He would get extremely angry at times. I couldn’t be as angry as he was. Besides Carter, he needed someone else to be able to calm him down. I vowed to be that for him.
I loved him so much until I was willing to put my soft side front and center for him. Bali was soft with Carter, too. I knew she was. She just wasn’t as soft in front of everyone else. However, whatever Red needed from me, I would give it. He was a good guy, and he vowed to get his temper under control. I’d seen minor changes, and I wanted to believe I had a lot to do with that.
We were evolving together. My changes had just been more drastic than his. That was why mine were so noticeable. He needed to be reassured of where I stood in his life. He was low-key insecure, although he denied it. He needed to hear me verbalize my feelings for him often. It came easy for me now, and I believed that had softened him. He saw that I was trying.
My mind went back and forth about if I was making the right decision by changing aspects of myself for Red. I knew it was best for me to do that for myself, but I wondered if I would have made those changes had I not been with him. I convinced myself that I was doing this for me as well, but at least once a day, I questioned that.
“What are you thinking about, baby?”
“How I will approach Bali. We really need to squash this. I miss how much fun the four of us used to have together.”
“Yeah. We had good times. I need to convince her that I’m trying hard to get my temper under control. I’ve been talking to my dad about it, too. He said I inherited that shit from him. He had a lot of trauma in his younger years, so I could understand why he was the way he was. I didn’t have trauma, so I don’t know why my temper is the way it is.”
I sat up. “Because yo’ ass spoiled. You’re used to having your way, Red. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You won’t always be able to have your way. Just be glad you ended up with me and not Bali.”
“Shiiiid, ain’t no way I would have ended up with her mean ass. She’s obviously pretty, but that mouth is lethal. I could see your heart, baby. I just feel like you’re the one meant for me. Sometimes, we just have to make changes and mature. I think the changes you and I are making would have eventually happened anyway. We just happened to form a relationship before the changes could be made.”
I sure in the hell hope he’s right about that.I leaned back against him as he continued. “Maybe at work, Monday, just ask her if y’all can talk, since she probably ain’t accepting your calls. Have someone mediate, like Maui or your uncle Kenny, if he’s around.”
“Yeah. I may even call Karima, because we need somebody with a direct line to God. I feel like that’s the only way we will come to an understanding. Those other Hendersons can be rowdy as fuck, including Uncle Kenny and Maui. You just haven’t seen those sides of them.”
