"Oh, and you are Mr. Sunshine?" I blurt out.
"At least I understand what's good for me and don't purposefully put myself in danger. Do you know how hard it is to keep you safe?" he huffs.
"Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself. I know how to keep myself safe," I roll my eyes.
"Darling, you need someone to watch you twenty-four-seven to make sure you don't get yourself in trouble. And the attitude… don't even get me started on the attitude."
"Itold youI get grumpy if I'm hungry. It's notmy faultif you can't listen to basic instructions!"
Valery's giggle interrupts my thoughts, and when I turn to look at her, I realize everyone is staring at Bardil and me.
Valery giggles again and cups her hand over her mouth, then mutters, "You two are like a married couple."
Matvei growls in disapproval, and Diomid stands up and walks away from the table. Angelika stands up and smiles tightly. "I'll talk to him. It's fine."
After a tense moment, Diomid and Angelika return, and we all eat dinner in awkward silence. I don't know how to restart the conversation. Matvei keeps staring at me. His eyes are rich with confusion and surprise. I want to ask him what he's thinking, but it doesn't feel like the right time.
After dinner, everyone drifts to the living room to have a drink, and Matvei pulls me aside.
He speaks in hushed tones.
"You're brainwashed, Nikita. That man has you believing that you two have a connection."
"I'm not brainwashed, Mat. My thoughts are my own. I'm thinking clearly. I'm just fighting for something that I want," I sigh.
He shakes his head and pulls his mouth tight. "He kidnapped you. He's done something to trick you into forgetting that" Matvei insists.
I shake my head. "Don't be so quick to point fingers. Don't forget how you met your wife. The things you did before the two of you fell in love. People do stupid things, but it doesn't mean that they should live the rest of their lives in the shadow of those mistakes."
Matvei's eyes flare wide and then soften. He scrunches his nose and shakes his head in annoyance.
"It's not the same," he says without conviction.
"Isn't it?" I challenge him. "Everyone deserves a chance—Bardil included. Regardless of his past, he deserves a chance to change for the better."
***
Driving home, my head is so busy I'm sullen and withdrawn. I'm not sure if it went well or not. For a moment, I thought I was getting through to Matvei, but he's hard to read and stubborn as all hell. I hope I planted a seed, though. A seed of doubt. A seed that drops its walls. For him and for Bardil.
Glancing at Bardil, I realize he's constantly looking in my direction.
"What?" I sigh, too tired to argue or defend myself or apologize for dragging him there.
"I overheard what you said to Matvei," he says.
"Oh. Ok," I say, surprised. I scrunch my nose. Why does Bardil look upset? Did he mishear?
"What are you playing at, Nikita? All this shit about giving people a chance. What is your goal?" he snaps, and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.
"Are you actually kidding me right now?" I snap back at him.
"I'm not joking, not in the least. I want to know what you're planning. I want to know what the hell you get out of this. Why are you doing all of this?" he demands angrily.
I turn in my seat so that I'm facing him. My eyes are heated spears of anger as I glare at him. The frustration is too much. My heart is racing. My impatience has dissolved into nothing.
"Because I love you, dammit, Bardil!" I shout angrily. "I'm sick and tired of waiting for you to believe it. I've given you space. I've given you time to process it. I've been so damn patient, but I'm sick and tired of this. I love you, and right now, in this moment, I have finally accepted that it won't make any difference at all if you won't fight for me, too. If this is meaningless, then you should just tell me now so I can walk away before it all tears me apart." My voice is shaking with emotion, and my heart is breaking with fear.
Bardil's eyes, darting from the road to me, are wide with shock. How could he not know?
