I admit that in the first few days, I felt nothing but numb shock toward my discovery. Pregnant. It seemed like a bad joke. Some cruel twist to make an already difficult situation ten times worse. I pushed it aside and decided, in some ways, to ignore it. But at the same time, I was already working toward the most important goal. I need to get on Bardil's good side.
It's been a few days since I found out about my baby, and my efforts to win Bardil over are going well. I still don't know how he sees me, or what he sees me as. Just a prisoner? A temporary moment in his life?
Eventually, I hope that he will see me as something more. Because when I tell him about the baby, I hope for him to be happy and even to want to be a part of our baby's life.
If not, then I can only hope that he will be gentle and let me go home without harming the baby or me.
Somehow, in my heart, I have no fear of him harming either of us.
I've seen who he really is. And sure, sometimes he can be a real asshole. Selfish and cruel. But it's in defense due to the hurt he's felt in his life. It's not who he is. I see through that shield.
Unfortunately, no matter how well I do at winning him over, the key to everything is going to be resolving the animosity between him and my family.
How else will my baby have a good life?
At least I'm confident my family will be willing to talk. I'm certain my brothers and my sister will be open and reasonable. It's Bardil I'm worried about. He's so full of anger. Anger that he's held onto for longer than he should have. He needs someone to blame, someone to take it out on. I think he believes that it's the only way to release the anger.Revenge.
Somehow, and I have no idea how, I have to convince him that there are other ways to be free of it.
I have to figure it out for my family. And for my baby. I'm doing all of this for them.
My heart tightens at the thought. Yes, itisfor them.
It's because you're falling for Bardil. At least be honest with yourself.
I scoff at my own intrusive thought. What a silly idea. I'm not falling for him.
Waves crash closer than usual. The tide is high. It must be full moon soon.
I giggle to myself and say out loud to the ocean, "The full moon always makes me a little crazy. I'm obviously losing my mind if I think I'm falling for Bardil."
I laugh again, but it's not as convincing as I would've liked.
My heart is pulling tighter.
It can't be true. No. It isn't true.
Conversation over.
It's not true, and that's all there is to it.
Pushing away from the fencing, I turn my back on the ocean and walk toward the house.
Bardil is standing on the patio, watching me with a gorgeous smile spread over his beautiful face. My heart somersaults.
"Hi, beautiful," he grins, his eyes bright and playful.
"Hi, you. Are you spying on me?" I tease.
He walks down the steps toward me. "Were you talking to the ocean?" he muses. "What secrets were you telling the waves?"
He slips his arm around my waist as we walk back to the patio. "What I discuss with the ocean is between me and the ocean, and you should know when to mind your own business," I grin, trying my best to sound serious, but failing horribly.
"Oh, well, I do apologize. Of course, I shouldn't even have asked. How rude of me," he says sternly, hiding his smile.
"The sunset is going to be gorgeous tonight. With all these fluffy clouds in the sky," I ponder, looking back to the horizon.
Bardil nods, "That's why I had the chef prepare us a special dinner that we can eat out on the patio. It's the perfect evening for it. What do you think?"
