My mind was blown. My existence was shifted.
It terrified me.
It still does.
But since the restaurant, Nikita hasn't spoken to me. Two days.
Not that I can blame her. I would hate myself too if I were her. I treated her like shit. I hate what I did, but I had to.
She passes me in the hallway and keeps her face turned down. She walks out of the kitchen when I walk in. She doesn't eat with me and sits silently in the library reading for most of the day.
When I do talk to her, she might glance at me, her eyes full of emotion and her head full of thoughts I wish I could read. But she doesn't reply unless she absolutely has to.
A short yes or a no.
The thing is, what's happening between us is exactly whatshouldbe happening. I need her to hate me. I need her to stop talking to me.
How else can I distance myself from her? The more we interact, the more I want her. The more my mind and bodyscream to be near her. If I don't push her away, I'll end up with her in my arms again.
This is the way things have to be, no matter how terrible it seems.
We can't be together.
So it's better if she hates me. It'll make letting her go that much easier.
But the guilt is killing me.
I'm so accustomed to her vibrant energy, her smile, and her laughter. I'm used to her teasing me and playfully joking with me. But now she's moving around the place like an empty shell of herself. She's hurting, and it's my fault.
The last two days have been hell. That's the only way I can describe it.
And by day three, I'm ready to tear my hair out and scream her name. I'm desperate for the smallest conversation from her. A flicker of a smile would set my heart on fire at this point. I need something from her. Anything.
By day four, I can't take it anymore. I haven't slept. I cannot get her out of my head.
I pace the hallway outside the room she's in. I mutter to myself. I'm going crazy.
All logic leaves my senses, and no matter what happens, I know I have to win her back. The silence is unbearable. His distance is killing me. The only thing that matters is to see her smile, to hear her laugh.
Knocking on her open bedroom door, I half expect her to tell me to get lost, but she doesn't even look up. I walk quietly into her room. She's sitting on the bed with a book in her lap.The book is closed, and her fingers are constantly tracing over the embossed emblem on the cover. She looks exhausted and numb.
I stand next to her bed and wait, but she doesn't look up.
"Kita?" I say quietly.
Nothing.
Leaning down, I set a small box on the bed. Her eyes steal a glance at it, and her brows furrow.
"What is that?" she demands abruptly.
"It's for you," I say, cautious, watching her reactions.
"Why? What for?" she snaps. For the first time in days, she looks at me. Those beautiful eyes pierce into me, and my heart pulls tight in my chest.
I don't have an answer. Not one I can give her.Because I'm sorry. Because I miss you like crazy. Because my life without you is empty and meaningless.
I need you to forgive me.
