Just because the words came from Ellis' mouth doesn't mean I didn't think them at some point today, too. It also doesn't mean it's only his shame to bear.
His pain and regret are obvious just from a glance. If a bystander wasn't privy to our day, they'd guess something horrible happened. I can practically feel the gruelling guilt in his gut, but that may just be my own.
Ellis is a good man. An emotional one who doesn't think before he acts, but he isgood. He loves so hard and feels so deeply. Unfortunately, the woman we love is also the woman who bruised his ability to trust. And Ellis, with trust issues, is a man who makes questionable choices.
"I love you," I murmur, throat thick with emotion.
All I keep thinking about is how I've failed him. I should have ensured he went to therapy after losing Violet. Hell, I should have gone too.
It's taken me a long time to acceptIalso have some deep feelings. Growing up without a father suppressed the soft side of me. He died when my mom was pregnant with me—car accident.
My brother, who is six years older than me, drilled it into my psyche that we had to be strong for Mom. Taking care of her and protecting our family was the most important part of our lives.
I know Mom tried to get us to calm down with the overprotectiveness, but Sebastian, my brother, witnessed her depression and struggles for years before I was able to talk. Then he moved out once he was eighteen, and Mom really went to town to help me curb the overwhelming need to take care of her and the house.
Tina Cook is the best mother in the world. She's kind, caring, and so damn gentle; I believe those traits were handed down to me. Still to this day, she continues to foster my gentle side.
If she could see me now, she would have no issue sitting my ass down and lecturing me until the sun came up.Why haven't I told her about Violet being back in our lives?Maybe I subconsciously knew it was too good to be true.
"I love you too," Ellis whispers. When his fingers wrap around mine on his thigh, I swear my shoulders drop three inches in relief. "Do you want to swap?"
Surprised by his offer, since I was convinced he was half alive over there, I glance at him. His eyes glow in the light of the car and passing streetlights as we get closer to Chicago. He's beautiful even with his features drawn in despair.
"No, darling. You rest. I bet we'll be there soon."
He nods absentmindedly, and I know I’ve made the right choice. No way would he be able to focus on the road, let alone keep track of Jamie's car.
Traffic is obviously light in the middle of the night, but the closer we get to the big city, the more vehicles are on the road.
"Ellis." I squeeze his thigh, hoping he'll pay attention to me. "Everything will be okay."
He huffs a small sound, but at least he's fucking breathing. "How do you know?"
The urge to scrub my hands anxiously through my beard is strong, but I refuse to let go of Ellis, and I have to hold on tothe steering wheel. "Because I know we will do everything in our power to make it right again."
Ellis is quiet for a moment, making me think he's ignoring my declaration, but he speaks once again. "Everything? Because I can be pretty fucking annoying when I want something."
"And what do you want, darling?"Come on, Ellis. Fight for this. Wake up.
"Us. All four of us. I don't care what I have to do, but I'll force my way into their lives again if you let me. The right way this time."
Glancing at him, I smirk. Ellis can be a demanding, persistent fucker, and that's exactly what we need. "Permission granted."
Five
VIOLET
“Alright," Mom murmurs, tucking a blanket around my legs. "You stay right here. Your uncle Levi is helping Roman make breakfast. I'll be back."
She was adamant that I go right to bed, but I was too wired from all the excitement of leaving the hospital. So we compromised by relaxing on the couch.
Plus, I'd never pass up the chance to see Mom's best friend Levi.
Mom rushes away, and I finally breathe a tired sigh. Now that I'm back at the family house, have meds in my system, and there's nothing for me to do, I'm terrified of my mind.
I have so many questions, concerns, and my insecurities are pacing at the gates ready to attack once I let my guard down. Mom and her men haven't asked me about what happened, but I know they will.
Once they're certain I have everything I need, the questions will begin. Unfortunately, I know that will lead to a lot of anger and scowling. My poor heart can't take their intense negativity right now.
