Blowing out the breath I didn't know I was holding, I melt into her. Wrapping my girl in my arms, I bask in the sounds of my two other partners laughing with my parents.
"I love this life with you," I murmur in her ear, letting her feel the hope and gratitude in my voice and embrace. She squeezes me tighter, and I know without a doubt she's accepting my love and my total obsession with her.
Forty-Five
VIOLET
Stepping into my room at Cassidy's apartment, I realize a few things. A: I don't refer to this place as mine anymore. B: I have two pairs of shoes, a few journals, and a handful of outfits left. C: I haven't slept here in over two weeks. And D: I think I'm officially moving out.
None of that means Cassidy and I haven't been spending time together. I still come over for dinner, but more often than not we go out or she comes to the house for girl’s night.
We even had a slumber party there last week. The epiphany with that was I realized I didn't ask Nate and Ellis if I could invite Cass over. Nobody batted an eye at it either. It felt natural to invite her into their space, and that's probably because it's beginning to feel likemyhouse too.
I'm not sure how Nate and Ellis do it, but they're very particular about including me and Jamie in their comments about it beingour home.They don't even saymy bedroom.Everything isours.
I haven't denied it in a few weeks. It's been almost five months since I fell down that cliff, and I admit sometimes it feels like it was just last week I listened to that voicemail. But those moments are becoming fewer and less painful.
We've had a few low moments, which we knew would happen, but the way we handled them is what helped me come to the realization that we really are a family. Ellis takes a breather and utilizes his gym. Nate shares his struggles and asks for help. Jamie pushes us to talk about our feelings when he starts thinking too much. And I'm comfortable being vulnerable. Sure I still flee, but they always find me and I let them.
We're figuring it out and I'm proud of us. I'm comfortable with them. My heart, which has taken many blows, is comfortable with them. Even my soul sings for the three men who cradle my heart so gently.
I'm theirs and there's no hesitation.
"It's time, huh?"
Cassidy's quiet question barrels into me full force. I'm not hesitant, but I'm sad. Turning around, I fling myself at her and cry my eyes out.
"I don't w-want to go!"
Cassidy was my only safe space for a long time. She gave me a soft place to land every time I fell, and I fella lot.
Her chuckle is watery against my shoulder. "Yes you do. Change is just hard."
"Come with me?" I plead through sniffles and plotting how to keep her as my roommate forever.
She pats my back and laughs. "No, thank you. I'd like to keep my vision and hearing."
Snorting, I pull away and wipe my face. "This sucks."
She wipes her eyes and shakes her head with a smile. "No, babes. It's fucking awesome. You're getting your happily ever after."
"That's cheesy," I grumble and turn to survey the packing I need to do.
"No," she teases, "it's the truth. You've become a version of yourself that youlove.And the fact that you found three loves of your life along the way is fucking epic."
Epic.
Cassidy helps me pack up my final few things in silence. I wonder if we're both thinking about the good times we had as roommates.
"You're my best friend," I whimper as we drop down onto our butts in the empty bedroom.
"And you're mine." She drops her head on my shoulder, and I rest mine on hers.
"Remember that one time—" we say in unison and burst into a fit of giggles.
Once we've caught our breath, I sigh. "Thank you, Cass. You were everything I needed and still are. Thank you for...for loving me even when I didn't accept it."
I don't expect a response, knowing what I said was pretty deep and there's not much she can say. But her one word reply makes my heart soar.
