Mom purses her lips and takes a sip of water.Water.She didn't drink during our girl’s night. She fucking slept through more of it! "Not planned but not avoided. I had my IUD removed over a year ago and we just haven't been careful."
"And the guys? They're happy? They want this? If they're giving you a hard time?—"
"Violet, sweetheart," she coos, giving me a soft look and an even gentler hand hold. "We hoped for a baby. I never said anything because I wasn't sure if it would happen, but now that it has and we're two months in, I couldn't wait to tell you."
"I—" My voice cracks, and I tighten my hold on her hand. The urge to cry is so freaking strong, but I hold it back with a quiet sniffle and jump to my feet instead. "Congratulations!"
I notice two tears drip from her lashes right before she embraces me. Clinging to my mom, I imagine what life will be like from here on out. Will we still call all the time? If I need some alone time with her, will she make it happen?
"This changes a lot of things," Mom whispers in my ear. "Except my love for you."
The sob I had been trying to diminish breaks free, and I bury my face in her shoulder. "I love you."
She nods in response to my whimper. "Wewon't change. You'll forever be my best friend, the girl who changed my life for the better, my partner, my kid, and my fucking soulmate. You hear me?"
"Yes," I reply, trying to match the strong conviction in her tone. "Biologically though?—"
"No," she snaps and pulls back. Resting her hands on my shoulders, she looks me right in the eye and declares, "No kid of mine will ever worry about our biological connection. This is the last time I want to hear you try to bring up the fact that we're cousins."
"Will you tell your baby? Am I their sister or cousin or where do I fit?"
The slight panic is back because I never saw this coming. I thought it would always be me and my mom. The support system she has created is never ending but it's always been us against the monsters.
"We can tell them if they ask. You're a big sister first, foremost, and forever. Okay?" So much sympathy and understanding flicker in her gaze, making me feel guilty for my selfish response to her amazing news.
Ushering her into her chair and ignoring her eye roll over my careful behavior, I flip my tune. "Have you thought of names?"
On the outside I won't give her the opportunity to worry about how I'm feeling about this new development.A baby...
"Guess," Mom teases with a grin that makes me groan.
It's my turn to roll my eyes. "Scarlett, Rose, Olive, Slate and Gray."
A burst of laughter springs from her lips, and she flings her head back. People around the restaurant turn to stare, but I don't blame them. The energy Blue Bennett carries is strong and alluring.
"You got me!" She giggles with a hand on her chest. "The only one I didn't think of was Slate for a boy. That's a good one."
She pulls her phone out and types for a moment. Probably a list of baby names in her notes or something. Allowing her joy toinfect me, I wiggle in my seat. "You don't think having a family with the names Violet, Blue, and Slate would be strange?"
"Sweetheart," she admonishes, laying her phone back down. "We're already strange. I have bright as hell blue hair. Yours is purple. We literally match our names by our own choice."
Humming, I pluck a strand to inspect it. "Maybe I'll just be only blonde."
"No!" She swats at me. "I love it. When this baby comes out of my poor vagina, I hope they have pink or gray hair or something."
Shaking my head at her antics, I bask in her happiness. There were too many years Mama was hyper focused on basic necessities like clothes, food, water, shelter, and safety above all. I love hearing her fuss over hair color and names.
At the end of our meal, the four men in love with my mom waltz in and whisk her away with so much care that it brings tears to my eyes. They each hug me and tell me they love me, but the whole time I want to leave. The arms I want around me aren't my mom's husbands’. I want Nate, Jamie, and Ellis.
The entire drive to Nate's house, I pick through my thoughts and feelings. Why do I need them so badly? I'm not upset about having a sibling, nor am I mad about my mom being pregnant.
I do know that I'm worried and feeling insecure. And that the only place I want to be is with them.
So when I pull into their driveway and see Jamie's car already here I breathe a sigh of relief. When I walk in and am immediately surrounded by Nate and Ellis, I cry.
I cry really fucking hard for the many versions of myself that have led to me feeling scared and uncertain about the family changes coming. I know Nate and Ellis are worried; Jamie looks ready to throw hands when I see him enter the room, but he stays back.
They ask me what's wrong and I tell them, of course. There's no reason to hide or lie or keep them at arm’s length because...well there's one thing I know for certain.
