"It's still about you but I'm selfish...we all know this." He sounds pained when he jokes about it, making me flinch a little. "I admire you, Violet Bennett. I want to be like you in the sense that I want to be strong enough to overcome the cliffs that threaten to yank me down every time I'm overwhelmed. You've inspired me to not only earn your trust and the opportunity to love you right, but I also want to be better for me."
Her breath hitches, and she straightens in my arms. I want to squeeze her and keep her attached to me for as long as I can, but there's a tether pulling her toward Ellis. Hell, I'm feeling it too. This is a pivotal moment for them.
"I'm learning and this tattoo reminds me of many important lessons. So yes, Bubbles, I got a tattoo for you. But not to woo myself back into your good graces, but becauseIneeded it. To be marked by you, by my failures, and to be constantly encouraged to grow and learn."
Hesitantly, Violet steps out of my embrace. Wringing her hands together in front of her, she closes the space between herself and Ellis. With soft eyes, Ellis drops his foot and opens his arms invitingly.
Violet lifts her arms in response and wraps them around his neck. I watch with my heart in my throat as Ellis' bottom lip wobbles. A stuttering breath escapes his mouth and his eyes close as he dips his head into her neck.
She mumbles something into Ellis' shirt that has him lifting her onto her tiptoes as he squeezes her a little tighter.
A warm hand touches my lower back, jolting me ever so slightly. Nate rubs his thumb against me, soothing me and igniting me at the same time. When I glance at Nate, I find he's already looking at me. His throat bobs, and I can't help but glance between his eyes that hold so much emotion.
"I'm really, truly sorry, Jamie."
I can't breathe. I want to tell him I forgive him. Maybe even kiss him and dominate him. But Violet's not there yet. I won't take another step without her.
"Thank you, Nate," I murmur, accepting his apology for the first time. I believe he's sorry. I believe Ellis is working hard to settle the unpredictable inferno inside of him.
We're shifting and changing. Age doesn't change the ability to learn or strive for a better future. We're proof of that.
I may be thirty years old, but I swear I have epiphanies every other day that impact the flow of my thoughts. Hopefully, the four of us will continue to grow toward each other because I don't want to let this go.
Thirty-Three
VIOLET
I'm still in a state of shock I think. Ellis' tattoo...That threw me for a loop. In that moment the other night, I couldn't be angry. Even the hurt faded to a dull ache for a while as I listened to him talk.
He spoke of my strength and the motivation he has found in his admiration of me. Never, not once in my twenty-six years of life have I felt even a fraction of what he was describing. And maybe that's the problem.
I should absolutely feel proud of myself for climbing back up that damn cliff by myself. They didn't do that for me. Mom didn't force me to stand back up. I didn't fight for my life because I felt guilty or like I had to for someone else. No. I did that for me. I fought forme!
Ellis may have helped me realize some important things about myself but it wasmewho did that shit. Which has been a crazy realization. So much so I am now back on my therapist's schedule weekly.
But that's not the only reason my jaw is still on the ground. Before Jamie brought me home that night, Nate handed us both a small sheet of paper with the code for their front door.
I was speechless. Nate told us they are an open book and have nothing they want to keep from us ever again. Jamie and I were given permission to come over unannounced whenever we wanted with no questions asked.
To be honest, I still feel a bit weird about it, but I'm trying to focus on the warmth in my heart. They're trusting us with their home. With their safe space even after everything. Jamie and I could break in, in a fit of rage, and destroy their belongings.
Yet, they don't care.An open book. No secrets. Nothing to hide. We want you here whenever you want to be here. However you want to be here. Their openness made me tear up.
Jamie was reluctant to drive me home, but he understood that I just wanted to take a bubble bath and process. He has a habit of making me feel like everything is going to be okay, and I needed to figure out if I could feel that way on my own.
I'm still uneasy that I do in fact feel like everything is going to work out just fine. Which is why I'm standing in Nate and Ellis' entryway a few days later. I need to test this out and see what happens when they realize I've snuck into their home.
Toeing off my slip on booties, I glance around. It really is a freaking mess in here. Ellis was supposed to show me what he was working on, but after his tattoo admission and the door code I was ready to be alone for a bit. Meeting Nate's mom and listening to her information dump took enough out of me as it was.
With my jacket hung and my keys on the small table by the door, I peek around. There's banging coming from the basement, so I decide to start there. Even with the loud noises, I keep my steps light.
"GET IN THERE!" Ellis' voice rings clearly from the staircase.
Scrunching my nose up, I grab the railing and hesitate.Do I want to know what they're doing?My pussy says hell yes, yetmy mind cringes away. This probably isn't a good idea, but I continue my trek down.
"Oh my god..." Ellis groans and something thuds.
Shoot, my panties dampen at the possibility of watching him getting railed by Nate, but what I find is not what I was expecting. Ellis has his head hung between his shoulders that rise and fall with labored breaths.
