Two
ELLIS
Everyone hates me. But nobody will hate me as much as I do.
Why couldn't I just keep my mouth fucking shut?
Don't get it twisted. I'm not upset because I got caught. There is a bit of that, too, but only because I wish with every atom in my body that I had the opportunity to tell them gently and with love.
I'm beyond angry with myself because it happened in the first place. I wasn't lying when I told Jamie it was my idea. After a few drinks, a few hours after seeing Violet for the first time at the coffee shop, my horrible idea came pouring out.
Jamie wasright fucking there. My mind was lost to the anger I felt when we noticed him sitting at the bar. It was the perfect opportunity to make things even. I thought it would help me feel better. Like I was owed her pain.
I wasn't, but she and Jamie are definitely owed my pain now.
Choosing to keep it a secret was selfish. Horribly selfish. I disguised my reasoning as worry for Violet if she ever found out. My desire to hurt her was gone the moment I opened my eyes andreallylooked at her.
But Jamie? Jamie very quickly changed my mind about his part in my scheme. I can't pinpoint the exact moment I decidedJamie wasn't a pawn, but it was some time between approaching him at the bar and crawling beneath the table to suck his cock.
Sitting on Violet's bed, replaying all the horrible choices I've made in the past two months, I'm at a loss. I wish Jamie had punched me, I really fucking do. Maybe then I could focus on something other than this constant recollection of past me.
I should have stopped our pursuit the moment I realized I felt something for Jamie. The despair and longing in his eyes reminded me ofmyself.I felt a kinship with him since I assumed it was Violet who had put that sad look in his eyes. Being right sucked because it fueled my anger toward her.
Then I hurt her. Over and over again, I bulldozed over her only for her to continue apologizing and feeling bad.
What is wrong with me?
"Blue still hasn't heard from her," Cass tells us for the millionth time in I don't even know how long.
Eight hours we were worried about Violet before my lies came spewing out of my mouth. Which was five hours ago. The sun has set.
I don't even know how to fucking calculate what day it is right now. Honestly, I'm being a selfish prick by just sitting here beating myself up. But how do I help when Jamie studiously won't look my way or even acknowledge my presence?
I don't blame him. Violet blocked his number as well. I'll never forget the way his face crumbled and how his body folded over the countertop. With his forehead pressed against the cool marble, Jamie cried. After a few moments, he sucked in a breath, snatched his phone, and started making calls.
"She won't come home," Nate rumbles, eyes stuck on a page in Violet's journal.
"What? Yes, she will," I protest, but her barren bedroom around me makes me feel like a dumbass.Why would she want to come home?
Jamie halts his pacing in the hallway beside Cassidy who has her knees tucked to her chest and her back against the wall. She looks so small and worried...I feel bad for the fiery redhead.
"Would she come here?" Jamie asks her, raising the intensity up like ten more notches.
Cassidy twists her lips like she's thinking. Finally, she says the thing we're all dreading. "No. She won't. Especially because she might think Jamie was in on it or knew about it, she will want to avoid Detroit for as long as she can."
"Where would she go?" My question is quiet, but it seems to strike something in Jamie.
He spins around, putting his back to us, and bolts for the front door. We're hot on his heels, not letting him out of our sight.
"She's goinghome. To her mom!" Jamie bellows, tugging his shoes and jacket on. To a wide-eyed Cassidy, he requests, "Send me Blue's address!"
But Cass hesitates because she's a good friend. "I don't know..." she murmurs, having followed us and is now shifting on her feet. "She doesn't want to see you guys."
"Because she thinks I betrayed her trust, too!" Jamie does a good job keeping his anger in check with Cassidy, but his insistent tone is loud.
Bang bang bang!
Jamie curses like he already knows who's on the other side of the door. As it swings open, Jamie stands a bit taller and reveals a hunched-over old man with a mean glare on his face. "You. I told you, young man, if you ever raise your voice at these sweet girls, I would rearrange your face."
