My empty hand raises to press my fingertips against the bruise on his cheekbone. "So have you," I murmur.
He shakes his head and presses a kiss to the inside of my palm. "V, please forgive me?"
I actually take a moment to think about what he's asking of me, but I'm confused. What is there to forgive? Now I understand Cassidy's insistence of Jamie's innocence. Jamie didn't do anything wrong. Except...
My heart hardens just enough for me not to melt into a puddle of goo all over him. "You read my journals. Why?"
Blowing out a breath, Jamie chuckles. "That's not what I was begging forgiveness for. I was talking about not being there for you. For not being the best boyfriend I could be."
"What are you talking about, Jamie?" Frowning, I sit up a little and look him in the eye. "I told you not to come with me on my trip."
He sighs, looking pained. Still, he's patient with me. "Not that either, though I feel fucking awful for not being there when you were hurt. Just imagining you all alone, fighting to survive shatters me, my love."
Once again, I find myself a little speechless. He takes the gap in my ability to speak by pressing onward.
"I mean..." Jamie swallows and looks away. "I should have known they were just using me. Even if it was for such a short time?—"
"What do you mean by a short time?" This time, when I push away from him, he loosens his hold and lets me sit by myself. I really don't want comfort while rehashing the very thing that broke my heart. "How do you know that anything they say is true?"
Jamie eyes me as if he's not sure what to say, and that sets me on edge even more. "Will you ever talk to them again?"
Immediately, I shake my head because that's what my toxic brain would automatically choose.Run, run, run as fast as I can. You can't catch me, I'm a sad woman.
His lips quirk up as if he knows I'm being stubborn, but fuck everyone. I have the right to be right now.
"They broke my heart, Jamie," I whisper and look down at my hands.
Jamie wiggles his left hand between mine and admits, "Mine too, Sweets. Mine too."
For a few moments, we sit there with our pain. Yet, this time I feel far less alone. Jamie makes me feel seen and understood. But I still have so many thoughts, so many questions and ideas that I can't keep them in while he's here.
"How do you know?" I break the silence.
"Nate told me," Jamie says simply. It's not simple. It's awful and horrible and plain mean. "I want you to listen to something. Can you do that for me, my love?"
Eyeing the phone in his hands, I ponder his request. It may be selfish, but I'm broken, and my pieces are only going to be put back together byme. "If you're about to make me listen to a recording of them professing their undying love, then no. I don't think I can handle more right now, Jamie. Even if it sets things right, I need to deal with this pain on my own first. I need to healmyselffirst."
"Violet," he rumbles, leaning toward me and grabbing my cheeks in his big palm. "Don't shut me out. Please. I'm sorry, Sweets."
Nodding frantically, I try to repair the damage I might have just caused. "I love you, Jamie."
"But?" The tears building in his eyes break my heart. He expects me to push him away and break things off for good.
There should never be abutafter sayingI love you. "I love you,andI want to love myself. Let me figure out how to heal allthe hurt before I have to determine the validity of other people's words."
"And me? Fuck, I sound like a selfish dick, but Violet...what about me? Us? I love you so fucking much. Please let me love you."
Goodness, even if I wanted to lump him with the other two, I couldn't. Gently, I tangle one of my hands into his hair beneath his hat. "You may love me, Jamie Murphy," I murmur just before placing my mouth on his in a feather-light kiss full of promises and repair.
"Thank fuck," he breathes, dropping his forehead onto mine.
"But—"
"Damn it, Violet," he growls, and I can't help but giggle.
Releasing him, I nudge him away and narrow my eyes. "I need twenty-four hours to be mad that you read my journal. I don't care if it was for a good reason. You did it to get a reaction out of me. You got a kiss and a confirmation that I love you very much. But now you get to walk your tight ass back where you came from and leave me be for a day."
"What will you do? You better not just be doing this to punish me." Nowhenarrows his eyes.
