But I can't let him stop. If I let him stop, then that means he won’t hate me, and I need him to hate me.
I start shaking my head back and forth, and bite down on my hand hard enough to taste blood. With a snarl, he draws back. And for a second, his pace resumes that punishing pace I’m chasing. His hand fists tighter in my hair. But as quickly as his hate returned, it’s already starting to fade.
"Is that all you've got?" I snarl as I start fucking him back.
The effect is immediate. His fist closes in my hair. With a single hard yank, he pulls me by my hair off the desk. My back presses into his sweaty body, and sparks fire along every nerve ending from the sudden contact. His cock drives the breath from mylungs like this, and his hand reaches up to give my breast a squeeze, leaving me crying out loudly.
"Is that as hard as you can fuck me?" I challenge him. “I thought I told you to fucking hurt me.”
He pauses and drags his teeth across my neck, laving my throat with his tongue, before he whispers in my ear.
“Careful what you wish for.” He draws back until he’s almost pulled out and thrusts all the way in, and he thrusts me hard and deep with every word, balls slapping against my clit. “You just might get what you want.”
“Then stop talking about it, and fucking do it.”
He stills, and his hand releases my hair. My scalp tingles, and for a moment, uncertainty seeps into my heart that maybe he won’t. But then, without warning, he picks me up by my thighs until I’m suspended in mid-air.
With his cock still buried in me, he walks me across the office towards those floor-to-ceiling windows. Every motion sends me bobbing up and down over him. Ripples of pleasure spread from between my legs, send my toes curling, and make me throw my head back from how helpless I am in his hand like this.
And then, the cool glass meets my face, my sweaty breasts, and he pins me against the glass. He holds me by my wrists and my thighs so that the tips of my toes are scrabbling for purchase on the floor.
"You want me to hurt you?"
His voice is still quiet but the coldness is fading. I can feel his pulse through his palm against the back of my hand.
"Did I fucking stutter?"
He starts thrusting again.
The sound I make is unplanned and my head drops back against his shoulder as I cry out from how good he makes me feel.
I'm past pretending like I’m dignified. I have nothing left to hide. This time, the pace is closer to what I asked for, relentless and unsparing. My fingers slip and claw uselessly at the cold glass, and I try not to think about the fact that he's still, even now, holding something back.
I can feel it.
Even when his hand finds my throat again and his face presses against mine—I can feel him holding something back.
He's still fucking begging me.
Please don’t do this to me. But I don’t know who’s thinking it anymore. I don’t want him to stop, and he doesn’t want to keep going. But neither of us is willing to say it out loud so we’re trapped in this vicious cycle.
The only way to give him that is to not say the word.
"Fuck me like you mean it," I say, and my voice starts to break. "Fuck me like you hate me."
"Shut the fuck up," he says, and that’s the last warning before he suddenly flips me around without a break on his cock.
His gray eyes are dark now, and there’s a mad look in his eyes that I can’t quite read. And before I have a chance to figure out just what he’s trying to show me in his eyes, he kisses me.
It’s a deep and searching and desperate kiss. His mouth crushes against mine and drains the air from my lungs until my head is spinning. He fucks me and kisses me simultaneously and I can feel the contradiction tearing him apart at the seams. The relentlessness of his hips is a delicious contradiction to the tenderness bleeding through his mouth.
Violence and love run in parallel currents that his body can't keep separate no matter how hard he's trying.
And even though I know I shouldn’t, I kiss him back.
How can I not?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, and I take this anyway, store every second of it, because I came here to be destroyed and I didn't understand until this exact moment that I'm the one doing the destroying.
