I asked him to use me, and he fucking did. But I don’t feel shame now.
I feel… content.
Not satisfied because that’s too simple. Not sated because that’s too physical.
Content.
The star at my throat catches the bathroom light, and the sight of it sends a single drop falling into the warmth that Slava left inside of me.
I lean my hands against the sink and let my head drop and breathe slowly.
In the morning, things will be complicated again. The guilt will return in full force. The secret I’m keeping will tick beneath everything like a clock.
But not right now.
39
BELLA
The phone buzzes onceon the nightstand shortly before dawn.
Even without looking, I know who it is, just like how you know a storm is coming from the heavy feeling sitting on your chest before the rain comes.
Truth be told, I’ve been waiting for this since I sent the list.
I pick up the phone, and sure enough, there’s a text from Nico.
You did well
My stomach drops through the floor and bile rises up in my throat. I did well…
I put a child’s life in danger. I got a woman hurt with my actions. And like the coward that I am, I’m still nowhere near close enough to confess to Slava about what has happened.
I asked him to hurt me, yes, and he has. But it was a selfish kind of hurt where he gave me what I wanted without taking an ounce of the pound of flesh I owe him.
Another text comes.
But you’re not done yet
My breath pauses in my chest.
Whatever it is he wants to do, I want no part of it anymore. I want to tell him that I’ve done enough damage and that I won’t be part of this awful plot that only ends when an innocentchildis buried.
Does Nico even know about who Alessandro is?
He has to, right? He has to know that this ishisnephew. That a part of the sister he so professes to love so much lives on in this boy.
And if he does… how can he be so callous and cruel as to want the death of this boy?
Or is this all part of this awful game that criminals play with each other?
Another text comes.
My family needs to know your exact location
My thumbs hover over the screen. And then, a new madness seizes me. The message is short and simple.
I don’t want to do this anymore
