Lillian may be uncomfortable with the politics of the Ton but she is no shrinking wallflower. She can read people no matter what she says.
“I could not sleep and came down to fix myself a warm drink,” Lillian added. “But, I will do without it and go back to my room, I think.”
“No!” Violet said.
Alexander looked at her askance and Lillian raised an eyebrow.
“It is not that I do not wish to be alone with you…Your Grace,” Violet began.
She felt that it was time to erect some barriers between them. Twice she had given in to her desire and this time it had almost brought disaster. Had it been a servant that had discovered them, they would surely have reported the fact to her Uncle.
“Violet! Honestly, a woman who has had a man’s hands on her rump cannot revert to using his title instead of his name. It is clear the two of you are beyond the formal stage,” Lillian said.
Violet blushed, unable to refute Lillian’s logic. Alexander was smiling in amusement and she scowled at him.
“Wipe that smile from your face. This is no laughing matter,” she said hotly.
He bowed elaborately as she had taught him to do. She thought the bow was more an excuse to hide his face from her. Lillian wasn’t trying to hide her own smile. Violet felt annoyed that the other two were laughing at her embarrassment but it only lasted a moment. Then her own smile broke through and she had a sudden vision of herself and how she must look. Trying to pretend that Alexander was not one step from being her lover by refusing to call him by his name.
“Do you know how to prepare your warm drink, Lilly?” she asked.
“I do, Mrs. Jameson showed me how a long time ago. I have been paying midnight visits to the kitchen many times over the years.”
“Well then. Drinks all ‘round,” Alexander said, pulling a kitchen chair out from the table and sitting. Violet laughed aloud.
“Indeed. Warm, milky drinks all ‘round.” She attempted to roll her tongue in a way she had heard Alexander doing.
Lillian began to efficiently gather the materials to make her warm drink, fetching a jug of milk from the pantry. Alexander caught Violet’s eye and held her gaze for a long moment. She felt the mutual awareness between them.
He is remembering the feel of my body against his. The feel of my bottom atop his hands. And I am remembering the very same things.
She saw the small spots of color in his hard, angular cheeks and felt a small sense of triumph. She knew her own cheeks were deeply aflame, announcing her feelings to anyone who cared to look.
“I would not tell anyone. You do not need to ask,” Lillian said. “You two make a nice couple.”
“We…I have been tutoring Alexander. In the ways of the Ton,” Violet said.
“Was what I saw part of the tutelage,” Lillian said, looking over her shoulder.
“Of course not,” Violet replied. “We got…carried away.”
“I arrived unannounced. The worse the wear for drink,” Alexander explained. “Violet was about to send me on my way having sobered me up. I am in your debt, Lillian. I would protect Violet’s honor with my life and am ashamed for behaving so recklessly.”
“You both should be ashamed for that. But, I do not judge. I am a woman attempting to make her way in a man’s world. I cannot be critical of others who wish to defy custom.”
“I am not defying custom,” Violet replied hotly.
Lillian placed two mugs of warm, faintly steaming milk before Violet and Alexander. They sat opposite each other while Lillian sat at the head of the table between them.
“Do you not? Is this a common practice? Meeting in the middle of the night in the servant’s quarters?” she asked in an innocent-sounding voice.
“No, of course not.” Violet felt flustered.
For so long she had prided herself on being the epitome of custom and propriety. She had consoled herself for her lack of a husband by focusing on her mastery of the art of navigating the politics of the Ton. To be regarded as an expert by her peers meant the world to her. It also allowed her to guide her two cousins, to try and help them make their way in society and find good matches. Even though neither seemed particularly interested in that goal. To have her obedience and knowledge of custom challenged so was taking away her most important prop.
I do not know who I am or where I come from. But I know the rules of this society. I know its customs and the many, many rules of polite society. I have taken pride in that and know I am breaking all of those rules that I have lived by.
Alexander was watching her closely from above the rim of his mug, sipping it slowly. She wondered if he knew what she was thinking, was watching the debate that raged within her.
