I wrench my hand away. Why didn’t I do that sooner?
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Why on earth would he pull a stunt like this when he has a woman like her?
A soft smile curves his mouth and I can’t look away. “Honey.” He says it kind of pityingly, but the only thing I can focus on is the word itself. The pet name. We’ve called each other plenty of names over the years, but never…this. The sudden change does something to me that I’m not sure I want to delve into.
“Have you ever heard of a beard?” Freddie asks.
I hadn’t, until this point, and I frown. “I’m guessing you don’t mean the facial hair.”
Freddie’s smile is soft as he looks at me. “Lavender marriage?”
“Is that…related to the beard?” I’m probably missing something here—something very obvious, from the way Freddie smiles—but neither of those terms make sense to me.
Freddie leans forward, conspiratorially, and I lean in, too. “This is not the right place to explain,” he says quietly. “But let’s just say we’re not...togethertogether. She’s great and all, but I don’t—we don’t—” He shrugs. “You know.”
I don’t, actually.
It must show on my face, because he shakes his head and laughs quietly—a sound that has never sounded this appealing before—and gestures for me to get even closer. His lips graze my ear when he speaks again and I almost don’t catch what he saysbecause of the shiver that races down my spine. “We can both sleep with other people.”
He could sleep with me.
The thought bubbles up and I immediately push it down again. Where the heck did that come from? The thought of sleeping with another man—with Freddie, of all people—has never crossed my mind before. Absolutely never.
My mouth is dry. I lean back hastily and take another sip of my coke. “So she’s cool with this?” I croak.
His smile is so tender. I’ve never seen him like this before. It transforms his face and for the first time I don’t see the gangly teen I grew up alongside—I see the man he’s become. One with a sharp jawline and a dusting of dark stubble, an athletic body and the stamina to go with it.
Ooookay, whoa. Nope.
Nuh-uh. Not going there.
My brain has taken a wrong turn and I need to course-correct immediately. I fold my arms across my chest and lean back.
“Yeah,” he says and I know he’s looking at me, even though I’m looking at the old Guiness ad behind his left shoulder. “She knows how much I—well. She knows I swing both ways. So does she. We’re not—” He sighs. “This isn’t the time or the place. Look uplavender marriagelater. But trust me, she knows and encourages it.”
There’s an inexplicable tension in my spine when he saysboth ways. It makes me think of the threesome videos I jerk off too. Freddie does that in real life, just…without the woman.
And I’ve seen a video or two like that, too, but by accident. Auto play when my initial selection was finished. It’s not something Iwantto see. Obviously.
Freddie does, though. He does things with other men. Kisses them. Touches them. I can’t look at him as heat floods my body, like all my veins are suddenly on fire. I’m trying to piece togethera sentence, staring at the chipped wood of the table in front of him.
To his credit, Freddie stays quiet—maybe for the first time since I’ve known him. It must be obvious I’m going through something and that’s embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as the erection that’s growing in my underwear though.
“You’re a gorgeous man,” Freddie says eventually, like that’s helpful in any way. “I think maybe you don’t realise, but you are. All angles and muscles and strong hands. Nice, too. All a guy can ask for.”
I take a deep breath and look up to meet Freddie’s gaze. It’s no longer warm; instead there’s a heat in it that makes my cock pulse, unbidden. He clearly means what he says.
“But I’ve never been attracted to another man.”
Freddie grins. “That’s what I’m here for.”
His cocky response shocks me out of the thought spiral I was caught up in and I gasp out a short laugh. “Seriously. I’m … not into guys.” It comes out so weak. So hard to believe. How is that possible when I’ve lived my life convinced of that fact? Mostly, anyway.
“How do you know if you’ve never tried?” Freddie watches me and I’m sure he can see the heat rising in my cheeks.
Because I know, I want to say.Because the thought has never crossed my mind and I don’t think it’s for me.
But … that’s not true.
