Which turned into too many beers.
Which turned into too many shots.
The drunker Nico got, the harder it was to keep his lips tight. Lately, whenever he drank a little too much, he’d find his mind wandering. He’d want to tell whoever he was closest to about this thing between Cooper and him. The more time the two spent together, the more real it felt.
Romeo spent the last hour wooing a dark-haired girl. He finally convinced her to come to the private table and the rest was history. As soon as she crossed the threshold, Nico and Matteo ceased to exist in the eyes of Romeo.
Nico was ready to go home. He was ready for his bed.
But Matteo was on another level. The wide receiver had three shots of tequila lined up and took them all in quick succession.
Nico cocked a brow. “I’m starting to get a little suspicious that you might have a problem.”
“Yeah.” Matteo nodded. “Not a drinking problem, though.”
Nico nodded. There was no point in trying to talk sense into someone who was that gone.
“I have something I need to tell you,” Matteo said, scooting down the length of the leather couch until he sat right next to Nico. “I’m really fucking scared, but?—”
Nico’s phone vibrated on the table. He placed a finger up to Matteo, urging him to hold his thought.
RAZER
Dude did you see the fucking news?
RAZER
[Link] Matteo Reyes Gay Sex Tape Leaked
Nico’s eyes lifted to meet Matteo’s as he swallowed nervously. There was no way this was real. Matteo? Of all people?
Matteo shook his head and exhaled quietly. “It’s out, isn’t it?”
“I—” Nico didn’t know what to say. This should have been easy though. Hello, you’re in the same shoes as him except you haven’t been stupid enough to film your escapades… yet. “It’s not… I…”
“Fuck me.” Matteo jumped from his seat, knocking his leg into the table. The bottle of tequila rolled sideways, shattering on the floor. “I have to get out of here.”
“Wait,” Nico protested, but before he could get up, Matteo disappeared into the crowd.
september 2024 - columbus
Cooper stood in the shrine with the lights off. The only light came from the lightbox overhead Luke’s jersey. It had been a while since he’d visited Luke there, but after Matteo’s forced outing, he figured it was time.
“I know it’s been a while.” Cooper sighed. “I made a promise a long time ago that I would never stop coming here, but it’s hard for me. On this mountain of grief, I climb two steps higher toward the sun and then I fall all the way back down again. Some days, I imagine if I climb high enough I can reach you. I don’t know what for. To tell you I’m angry with you for leaving me? To apologize for feeling the way I do about someone new?”
He felt the pangs of guilt in his stomach and the way he felt whenever he’d cry but no tears came. In the silence of the shrine, it was just Luke and him and his quiet admissions.
“You once begged me to break this thing we called a cage wide open. You always hated it inside and longed for a life outside of it. I denied that life to you over and over again, and now I ponder that very same idea with someone else.”
Cooper didn’t know what he believed in. He’d thank God whenever he was forced to give a speech, but privately he told everyone he knew he didn’t believe. It occurred to him that whenever anyone said someone was watching over them from heaven, it meant they could see everything. Sothen, considering what Cooper did behind closed doors, it was better if there was no afterlife.
His grandparents would not be happy watching his extracurricular activities.
His father would look away no doubt, but he hoped he’d be proud of him.
It was Luke watching that worried him the most.
“It’s not fair that he and I should get to live the life you always wanted for us,” Cooper continued. “Am I allowed to love two people at once? God knows you can’t give me permission and I don’t think I can give myself permission either. So, I guess I’m just fucking stuck here. I don’t know if I love him or if I miss the idea of love. I know that I feel things when I’m with him, that the darkest days aren’t so dark. But your love hangs over me like a constant cloud. Most of the time, it brings me comfort. Other times, it suffocates me.”
