His eyes are filled with apprehension, even as he lowers himself onto my cock, the heat of his entrance enveloping me. Even when he’s like this, he’s in control.
“I—” I sprawl my arms outward, reaching for anything to ground myself. For anything to hold on to that’s not his body, because I know I’ll tear through his skin. My fingers dig over the hardwood, dirty fingernails scratching into the surface. “Noah, please…”
His eyes strain at the corners, upper lip trembles as he flashes his teeth. His groans are earned as his hole stretches around my cock while tugging at his own. Furiously jerking the full length.
There’s something uncanny about the way he bucks over me. The sight of a man built like a god bottoming for a man two-thirds his size. Something awry about the role reversal. Something sinful about enjoying the way the head of my cock hammers into the deepest parts of him. If this is what it feels like to wreck someone, then I fully understand why he can’t ever keep his cock out of me. The rest of the world just falls away, and the only thing on my mind is filling every inch of him. To feed the way I’m always fed. To lose myself completely, to inject a part of me into him.
I can feel it coming.
Can feel the explosion building.
A warmth in the chest, a throbbing in my cock, a tremble of my lips.
And I break, coming not from my cock but my mouth, “I love you.”
His gaze crashes to me, his teeth chattering, his chest heaving. Just looks at me like I’ve broken something within him. His grip tightens over the purpled head of his swollen cock, but he can’t fight release. He hunches forward, his entire body quaking, and shoots rope after rope, painting my face in endless shots of jizz. He pumps through his release, the last of his load landing with a whisper on my belly.
And when he’s done, he’s a sweat-drenched mess. A winded look of peace washing over him in dazed strokes of batting eyes. He looks nowhere, everywhere. Rests in place with my needy cock buried within him. He arches forward, his ass gripping the length of my cock one last time before it’s met with a plop of air.
And then another first as he takes me into his hot mouth, swallowing to the base in one fell swoop. His lips purse at the hilt, his eyes peeling to meet mine. Wants me to watch him the way I always watch him. Watch him as he sucks my cock—that was just in his asshole—like a lollipop with all the wet smacking and slurping that comes with it. Devours my cock the way I usually devour his.
My breathing quickens, my chest drawing tight. My feet convulse, the start of a tremor that courses through my body. He pulls his mouth back, brushes his lips over the tip of my dick with a breathy kiss. I’d hate to see the way my face contorts when I let out arestrained grunt as the first shot of my cum lands upon my own lips. He plunges the head of my cock back into his mouth and swallows every fucking drop.
Sucks the life from me until there’s nothing left and I’m spent beneath the shadow of the crucifix. This is the closest to god I’ve ever felt.
The closest I’ll ever get to him.
The closest I’ll ever get to heaven.
In the aftermath of reaching the heavenly gates, Noah and I lie side by side. Breathless and spent. A quiet reflection falls upon me, but he’s in that same place he always is after he comes. Our fingers brush over each other, but he might as well be a thousand miles away.
“What I said earlier, I didn’t mean it,” I whisper, almost praying he doesn’t hear me say it. It was hard enough to say those three words in the first place. It’s even more difficult to take them back.
“Yes, you did,” he says just as quietly, and it’s like both of us are talking to the wood beams of the arched ceiling instead of each other.
We don’t talk about our feelings. We barely talk about things that matter, and when we do, it’s in short sentences and confessions. We always find a way to turn off the conversation, typically with a dick shoved into one hole or another.
He lets out a heavy sigh and sits up, the hardwood creaking beneath the shifting of his weight. “You don’t love me because you can’t love someone who’s this far gone.”
I nod, because what else would he fucking say? I consider myself a closed-off person, but there’s a wall of ice between us, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to breach it. I brush a thumb under my lip. “Then why are you fighting so hard to stay alive?”
“I’m not.”
“Your actions say otherwise.”
He grabs a fresh pair of boxers from the duffel and pulls them over his junk. His knees bend with a crack when he stands up, towering over me. He pinches at the bridge of his nose. “I’m fighting to keep you alive.” Looks away from me because looking into my eyes when he has something important to say would lead to a mechanical malfunction. “Sometimes, I swear your smile can light up this whole fucking world. You’re not broken.” He shakes his head. “Not like me. You’re just lost. I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through, but I know you haven’t lived as one should. There’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and I’m going to make sure you reach it. Make sure you walk out of this mess and live a long, happy life. A life filled with love and laughter. An inquisitive life where you can ask as many questions as you want without being told to shut up.”
I wince as I force myself to my feet, feeling my legsare about to give out as soon as I’m upright. “What if I want to live that life on the other side with you?”
“My destination has always been a one-way trip.”
I circle to the other side of him. Make him look me in the eye when he inevitably confesses for the millionth time that he wants to die.
“There’s no turning back,” he says, but it reads more like a question, like he’s pondering the idea that maybe, just maybe, he’s wrong.
“I’ve done worse things than you.”
“It’s not what I’ve done that haunts me. It’s the things that’ve been done to me. I look back and hate myself for letting those things happen.” Those dark stormy eyes of his glance at his outstretched arms and then to his bare stomach. “These muscles are a facade. Deep inside, I’m weak. Always have been and always will be.” He purses his lips as he walks away, retreating down the stairs to take a seat on a wooden pew. “When I was still with Kevin, I met a guy. I was going to run away with him and start a new life. Kevin had him killed.”
