“Yeah, I’m heading to the same place.”
As he packs what few belongings he has, I stand by the door, a deep-seated regret taking root in my gut. This has always been a one-way journey, and Seven’s companionship only buys me time before I go out in a blaze of glory. He can’t save me. Can only delay the inevitable, but perhaps I’ve never been as brave as I thought I was.
Maybe a quick shower will help find clarity.
CHAPTER 10
SEVEN
Three dayssince he’s touched me.
Three straight nights we’ve been on the road.
He barely talks, opting instead to stare out at the road ahead.
And in turn, I find myself staring at him.
Watching him.
Always watching him.
Watching and waiting.
Waiting for him to change his mind.
Waiting for him to kick me to the curb.
In the pool, he said if he ever fucked me, I’d be gone.
But I’m not gone yet. I remind him of this once or twice a day. He can’t hide how much it irritates him when I say it, but he doesn’t respond in words. A squint here. A sneer there. Endless communication, yet no words ever leave his lips.
Ithink about his lips too often. Think about how he recoiled at first and then surrendered himself. Think about how he devoured me with hunger, breathing life into me and then stealing it right back. I look at his lips now, dry and cracked, and think about closing the distance between us. Think about finding my way to him by leaning over the center console and taking what I want.
Taking what I need.
I found fleeting comfort in strangers a blowjob at a time. The John’s were never ideal partners, but they offered the two things I desperately craved—cum-filled cocks and human touch. Silas’ embrace only ever amounted to his fingers in my hair. Tugging, pulling, and pushing as I swallowed him whole. Sometimes, he’d lift me by the chin as he furiously stroked himself to release, shooting ropes of holy cum onto my face.
Noah gave me what I needed, and now he’s withholding.
The sky is unusually dark, with the moon hiding far behind heavy rain clouds on the precipice of breaking. I’ve lost track of what day of the week it is, but it’s just a little after midnight and we only pass another car about every five minutes or so. I watch each car too. Watch as they disappear into the distance behind us. Softly exhale every time they don’t turn around.
I was naïve to think I could run far enough away from my past that I’d never haveto look over my shoulder again. But the shadows of that place, and the people there, have branded my mind, body, and soul. I’ll never escape it, no matter how far I run. No matter how fast I run. What I did to Magnus will catch up to me someday soon, and I’ll pay the price for my transgressions.
Noah’s strong, both in body and will, but he’s no match for what I know is to come. I can’t hide behind him as if he’s a soldier, because when push comes to shove, the two of us are nothing more than strangers on a never-ending joyride together. I’d like to think he wouldn’t, but lessons I’ve learned along the way convince me he’d throw me to the wolves to save his own hide. It’s not something I’d blame him for.
And then I’m watching him again. Eye him up and down in his grease-stained wife beater tank. Watch as the hem of his shirt rides up over his belt, offering a peak of the blue boxers he wears underneath his jeans. Watch as he changes lanes, but for other reasons. To stay awake, maybe? He shifts in his seat and lets out a loud, echoing yawn. Switches the arm he’s using to steer.
At the risk of irritating him, I decide to break the silence. “You want me to drive?”
He shoots me a sideways sneer.
“I know you didn’t sleep well last night, so I thought I’d ask.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, I’m still not quite as cat-like as you are. You’re a nocturnal animal, you know that?”
“I’mwell aware my sleeping habits are out of the norm, but you knew that when you decided to hitch.”
