Settling in, I order my usual glass of Rombauer Sauvignon Blanc, Bea orders her usual fruity blended concoction that always smells as sweet as she does: Like summertime and hibiscus flowers, with a hint of coconut.
The bartender, a young woman with bright red hair, an ample bosom, and many colorful tattoos covering her arms and shoulders, winks at Bea. Leaning forward, another tattoo of a green and red dragon is visible across her bust. Its intricate tail snakes up and around her clavicle. It seems to move when she does, like a real, living serpent.
Bea, of course, is impervious to all of this. She doesn’t hyper-fixate on every detail around her, zeroing in on any and all prospective threats. Instead, Bea just lives in the moment. She embodies ease and floats through her life. She gives the bartender a kind and radiant smile back.
Over Bea’s shoulder, I see a businessman in a dark suit staring unabashedly at her back while he sips on his beer. His colleague chatters on, but I doubt he even notices.
I scoff and roll my eyes, setting my credit card down on the polished wood of the bar top to pay for our drinks.
“Jesus Christ. Every time,” I murmur under my breath, smiling and turning to face Bea.
“What?” she asks innocently, her eyes glinting.
“Every single time I go out with you, I’m reminded about why I can’t go out with you.”
She looks somewhat stricken. “Because of the daiquiri?” Bea squeals incredulously.
“No! It’s just that everyone with a pulse, and I meaneveryone,is so freaking smitten with you all the time. It’s like getting drinks with a celebrity or something. I mean, just look at our bartender for Christ’s sake!”
Bea and I both look over to see the bartender shooting sidelong glances towards Beatrice as she prepares our drinks.?Bea giggles and seductively waggles her fingers back.
“So what?” Bea asks. “She’s kind of cute.”
“See? This is what I’m talking about. I honestly don’t know how you manage to keep a full practice and ongoing clients with the way you make everyone around you fall in love with you.”
“Oh, well that one is easy—my brains outshine my beauty,” she replies. “They come to me because I’m simply the best.”
She gives me a knowing smile all the same and I roll my eyes.Some things never change.
Bea tosses her long golden hair over her shoulder and thanks the redhead as she receives her bright pink blended drink, topped with a turquoise paper umbrella, and chunk of pineapple.
“No, but seriously. Come on, Kitty Kat. You have to know that you are gorgeous and amazing and brilliant and funny as hell. Not to mention mysterious and absolutely dripping in sex appeal.” She pokes and prods my upper arm with one of her long, slender fingers. “Plus, so much more. You love and care about your chosen people so hard. Now, if you would just let other people in enough to see those qualities, then they would love you as much as I do.”
I can’t help but return the smile she gives me. She’s like my personal lighthouse, always there to guide me back to shore. Ignoring my glass of wine for the time being, I lean forward and allow her arms to envelop me into a tight hug.
“It’s so good to see you,” I say quietly, my hair falling around her shoulders. She holds me there for a long moment before pulling back to grip my face in her hands and give my cheek a soft kiss.
“You too. Hey, you know I love you, and you know I want you to be happy, right?” I pull back, nodding my head at her slowly, on alert and sensing an ambush.
“Well,becauseI love you and want the best for you,” Bea continues, now grasping both of my hands in hers, “I want to say something to you.” She inhales deeply before looking me squarely in the eye.
“Kat, this past month has been fucking rough for you. Your father dies, and your sister doesn’t even show up for you. You’ve been through it, sweetie. And… I just don’t know that further isolating yourself by moving into Pearson House is the best decision for you right now. Out there all alone. Living inhishouse. I worry about you, Kitty Kat. I wish you would reconsidermoving into my apartment complex, so you could be closer to town. And to me.”
Watching her earnest face, I’m filled with love and gratitude for her. I blink rapidly to keep the tears from spilling out. I worry about myself too.
But this was something Ihaveto do. I had always felt drawn to Pearson House. Like it was more a home to me than our actual home in northern California had ever been. It is the place I feel most at ease, the place I can most be myself. I have to do this.
“I know, Bea. And I love your concern for me, I really do. This is just something that I need to do right now. For myself. I don’t expect anyone to understand why I need to be at Pearson House. It’s… helping me,” I breathe out.
Hasn’t yet, though, I think wryly.
“Or, rather, itwillhelp me. I just need to prove to myself that I can survive this and come out stronger on the other side. Survive his death and be strong all on my own. I think in order to move forward, I have to go back. Go back to where I’ve been. At least this once. I know that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Itdoesmake sense,” Bea says simply. She continues to study me as she gives both of my cold hands a gentle squeeze in her warm ones.
“And you already are strong. You’ve survived so much in life already. You can do anything—I wholeheartedly believe that. I just want to make sure that you remember to actually live, not just survive.”
I nod emphatically. Smiling, she pulls me into another tight hug. I swipe away a solitary tear from my face with the sleeve of my long black sweater. When I pull back, I spot the bartender now standing in the corner of the bar and watching our exchange closely. She gives me the dirtiest look known to mankind.
