“I know, my dear. It is about encountering the unknown.”
“Even if there is nothing at the end of this journey for me?”
“By nothing you mean returning unmarried.”
“Yes, yes,” she said and blushed. So many times she had imagined herself in love but still in possession of her ‘strengths’,a notion that was no longer feasible. She behaved in love like any other lady.
“You are strong,” her father said as if he could read her mind and wanted to reassure her. “I am not afraid that you will break if at the end of the road is disappointment or pain.”
“Then why should I go?”
“Regret is much more destructive than pain,” he said.
“Unfortunately, you do not know the whole truth, and I wonder whether you would agree if you knew.”
“For me, it is enough that Mrs Gardiner is making the trip with you. Her presence assures me that nothing dishonest or shameful will happen to you.”
Elizabeth nodded, planted a kiss on her father’s forehead, and left the library.
On the morning of her departure with the Gardiners, Mr Bennet escorted her to the carriage. Amidst the noise of her family bidding her farewell, he whispered, “Promise me just one thing. If Mr Darcy asks for your hand, simply say yes, and contemplate your decision after marriage.”
Elizabeth remained silent. Dissatisfied with her response, Mr Bennet compelled her to look into his eyes and fervently stated, “Promise me, Elizabeth Bennet!”
And she replied, “I promise, Father!” her solemn commitment devoid of any hint of mirth.
Chapter 41
Despite her strong determination not to indulge in dreams, Elizabeth found herself constantly wavering, shifting between moments of peace, hope, and anxiety. And it was not the first time that had happened to her. When it was about Mr Darcy, her usual self-control was blown up in the air, leaving her furious and frustrated like in Kent or uncertain as she had felt since she had seen him again.
Her deepest and secret wish was to see Mr Darcy, yet in the very next moment, she was plagued by a dreadful pang, imagining him forever with Anne de Bourgh or another woman. Lady Catherine’s plan had succeeded only regarding Lady Olivia, but London and certainly Derbyshire was abundant in young ladies ready to marry the handsome and wealthy landowner.
“Do you think there is any hope left for us, Aunt?” she asked as they strolled through the evening air at the inn where they had stopped after a long day of travel.
Mrs Gardiner, concealing her own concerns, masked her worry with a front of maternal strength. Deep down, she feared that her beloved Elizabeth might only find sufferingin Derbyshire. But she also recognised her niece’s unwavering spirit and knew that nothing would deter her from the path she had chosen.
“You are a resilient woman, Lizzy,” Mrs Gardiner remarked, her voice tinged with admiration, trying hard to hide her concerns. “I must admit, if any of your sisters were in a similar predicament, I would find it impossible to accompany her, but you can overcome any plight.”
Elizabeth smiled gratefully; her aunt’s confidence made her stronger.
“I know, dear aunt. Papa himself encouraged me to undertake this journey, even though he did not know all the circumstances.”
“I am pleased your father gave his blessing. Mr Bennet loves you more than anyone in this world, but he also knows you well.”
“Poor Papa did not imagine the strange circumstances of our story. He advised me to accept Mr Darcy’s proposal, whatever conditions it may come with, even if it means I am not accepted by his social circle.”
“I am not vastly concerned about such matters, Lizzy. Lady Oakham and Colonel Fitzwilliam are on your side, and being invited by Lady Matlock to stay at one of her properties is a good sign that they appreciate you.”
“Then, my dear aunt, what is it that worries you?” Elizabeth asked, sensing that beneath her aunt’s apparent calm there lay a trace of concern, and Mrs Gardiner did not hesitate to tell her the truth.
“Well…Mr Darcy’s honourable character will inevitably make him choose the path of duty and rectitude if he promised to his aunt he would marry Miss de Bourgh.”
“You may be right,” Elizabeth admitted, holding back tears.
“You see, discussing a situation and finding resolutions is a simple task, but living through it is impossibly difficult with all the decisions that one has to make. His own character may lead him to act honourably. That is my fear. Not because he does not love you but because he is a man of integrity. We do not know what Lady Catherine made him promise in exchange for saving him from that lady.”
“But why did you agree to accompany me? That is still a mystery to me.”
“I do not want to give you false hope, but I think it is fair to tell you that Lady Oakham penned me a short letter, which arrived shortly before our departure.”
