“Yes, because I could not accept how he spoke about my family.”
“I love you dearly, Lizzy, but sometimes I do not understand you at all,” Mrs Gardiner said with infinite tenderness but also a hint of bitterness; refusing Mr Darcy was not an act of audacity from her perspective but a foolish gesture.
“I am too headstrong.”
“Hasty, angry, eager for a fight, prejudiced,” Jane added gently.
“While he is an arrogant and proud aristocrat. Ironically, he chose the right woman to be his wife, the only lady who could saynoto his proposal,” Mrs Gardiner said. “But I have this feeling he is not as you imagine him to be, and you took his words too literally.”
“Too eager to see faults before qualities and to judge them too harshly,” Jane continued.
“He has a strong team to defend him,” Elizabeth said, wiping away her tears with an expression that looked like amusement, yet she was still engulfed in pain and regret.
“I am not defending him, but I am shocked that you refused him—though not for the reason most would assume, that you turned away one of the wealthiest men in the country who could have offered you a wonderful life.”
“Then why?” Elizabeth asked.
“Because you are so right together!”
Shocked, she looked at Mrs Gardiner. “That is what you think?”
“I am more interested in whatyouthink, Lizzy.”
“I do not know what to think any longer. I was so sure about my feelings. It was not a proposal. It was not about love but a veritable battle,” Elizabeth whispered. “Was he quite out of his senses?” she asked, her gaze fixed upon her aunt.
“No, my dear, he was not mad, merely hopelessly ensnared by love. At times, the two manifest in similar ways. We need to know more, so we can seek a solution together.”
“Am I in search of a solution?” Elizabeth questioned, observing the ladies before her. She had told Charlotte that she would not give up on him, but Kent was far away, not only in time or space but also in feelings. She was in love; that was utterly certain, but also doubt engulfed her heart.
“That, my dear, is a choice for you to make. Perhaps you need some time to reflect and understand your feelings.”
“No, a two-page letter and a night of sleepless torment have illuminated the truth in my heart. I have feelings for him—and not the ones I imagined!”
Tears coursed down her cheeks, resembling the glistening droplets of water on a marble statue.
“Oh, heavens! Why must you two make everything so difficult? We should be rejoicing over your engagement, notshedding tears in my drawing-room!” Mrs Gardiner exclaimed, looking from Elizabeth to Jane, who was also on the verge of tears.
“When he proposed—how he proposed—I could not say yes.”
“Because of what the colonel told you?” asked Mrs Gardiner. Elizabeth felt pure bewilderment as she did not remember writing to them about the colonel’s indiscretion.
“How could you know such a thing?” Elizabeth asked at last.
“Your marriage proposal caused upheaval in more places than one,” Mrs Gardiner replied, smiling enigmatically.
“Yesterday, Lady Oakham paid us a visit,” Jane explained, and Elizabeth’s astonishment deepened further, even though her heart scarcely had room for any more surprises. Everything was utterly different from when she had left for Kent almost two months ago. In the meantime, Jane had learnt of the friendship between Lady Oakham and their aunt—a secret finally revealed when Jane had come to understand that she had not seen Mr Bingley becausehehad not wished to, and no one could help her in that direction. It had been a harrowing revelation yet a purifying one. And if pain still lingered, it had softened somewhat.
“Colonel Fitzwilliam confided in Lady Oakham about what happened in Kent and sought her help, knowing that she is a friend of mine. He was tormented by the belief that you refused his cousin because of his indiscretion.”
Elizabeth looked from one to the other, unable to speak, as though she could not quite comprehend what the two ladies were telling her.
“Mr Darcy was crushed by your refusal. I hope you are fully aware of this,” Mrs Gardiner said, and even though her words seemed harsh, her face reflected only sorrow and worry.
“Because he could not conceive that a woman might refuse him,” Elizabeth proffered, her tone edged with anger.
“Because he loves you, my dear,” Mrs Gardiner replied. She was wholly committed to Elizabeth, but somewhere in her heart, she wondered with a trace of reproach how her niece could have refused such a proposal when she must have had feelings for him for a long while before that moment. Perhaps not love but appreciation and interest—surely a good foundation for a happy marriage.
Elizabeth looked at them; the ladies in front of her knew much more about the story than she had been prepared to reveal, so she decided to confide particulars she had previously intended to conceal unnecessarily, as it seemed Lady Oakham already knew far more than she had expected.
