“Now go back to the sofa,” he whispered, and she hesitated.
“Go. Otherwise, you will find yourself arranging a funeral instead of travelling to Pemberley.”
She shuddered, as if waking from a dream, frightened by how completely she had lost herself, how she had surrendered to the reality of his touch, to the hand that had caressed her body.
“There is only one more thing I wish to tell you, and then you may call Georgiana so that we may all be together.”
Elizabeth heard his words as if from a distance. They had yet to take meaning, so difficult was it for her to regain her composure after that fleeting moment of happiness—followed by the pain of knowing she could not allow it to continue.
“Elizabeth,” he said, his voice unwavering. “We are the same, you and I. We live life with courage and curiosity. I want you to leave for Pemberley tomorrow to see what is happening there, to learn how you will care for the estate, to ask every question and receive every answer. You will write to me daily, and together, we shall plan the path you must follow so that Pemberley may continue as it always has. But when you return, you will come to this room, and you will be mine—”
“Darcy!” she cried, terrified.
“Hush, my love. Put yourself in my place. Could you continue to live as I do now—trapped in this maddening immobility, my life suspended, my every longing reduced to this unbearable stillness—desiring with all my soul to be with you? Answer honestly, as if standing before your own conscience.”
“No,” she whispered, and tears streamed down her face. She, too, had thought of this.
“Then you must accept that we must be together at any cost. I do not wish to leave this world without knowing what it is to hold you in my arms. And I am arrogant enough to want to be your first man…no matter the price.”
“And how shall I live if something happens to you…then?”
“You will live with the magnificent knowledge that you fulfilled my dearest wish and made me happier than I ever dreamt possible. Now, I beg you, go and fetch Georgiana.”
Georgiana opened the door instantly when Elizabeth knocked, still awake, her tear-filled eyes brimming with gratitude as she followed her new sister into Darcy’s room.
The women sat on either side of him, and soon, in the stillness of the house, laughter rang out.
“Lies! He is telling you a false story about the past. He once told me I was not handsome enough to tempt him,” Elizabeth said after Darcy recounted the story of their first meeting.
“No!” Georgiana cried out indignantly, briefly believing her brother was the same as he had always been. But then she lowered her voice, repeating her protest more softly, and asked for details.
And dawn found them still talking.
Chapter 27
With each mile that took her closer to Longbourn, Elizabeth recalled the young woman who had departed three months prior, a version of herself she had all but forgotten, engulfed as she had been in events beyond even the realms of fiction.
Accompanied by Pemberley’s steward, Mr Balfour, and the housekeeper, Mrs Reynolds, she had set out early. She wished to spend as many hours as possible with her family.
They had taken a frugal breakfast at their first stop, then Mr Balfour read while Mrs Reynolds dozed in a corner as though understanding Elizabeth’s need for silence. For the first time in a while, she had a moment to collect her thoughts, to reflect upon past and present. However, she still shied away from the future—a future she would rather not acknowledge, though it seemed, most regrettably, already inscribed.
She had been surprised at how swiftly she had been accepted by Mr Balfour and Mrs Reynolds. She had discerned ontheir faces the same relief she had observed among the servants in London, as if she alone could set things right and restore life to its proper course. Together with Darcy, they had discussed Pemberley’s affairs at great length, and she had appreciated the firm assurances of both Mr Balfour and Mrs Reynolds that she would receive every assistance she might require. Yet, deep within, she still feared the tasks ahead of her. There were so many unknowns—the management of a vast estate that needed to bring in an income, the oversight of homes far grander than any she had ever known, and, most dauntingly, the care of the many servants—a small army with lives intertwined in ways she could scarcely comprehend.
She looked upon Mrs Reynolds as she slept, admiring the features that, though aged, retained traces of beauty. She was of her mother’s generation, and Darcy had once mentioned that she was a distant cousin. Elizabeth could not help but wonder whether such a life might have awaited her had she chosen not to marry. Yet, Mrs Reynolds seemed content; she managed Pemberley and was treated with particular respect. At Longbourn, as among their neighbours, servants occupied a wholly different status. Elizabeth had to admit that what she had discovered in Darcy’s homes greatly pleased her. She suspected not all houses in London would be the same, but this contrast made her love the Darcys all the more.
In time, she had come to know the Duchess of Nantwich and the Countess of Matlock, who visited Darcy frequently, and she found those ladies of the ton friendly and devoid of arrogance. On their final visit before Elizabeth’s departure, Darcy had entreated them to care for her as they did for Georgiana—a request the ladies had assented to with tears in their eyes, their words imbued with sincerity. Through those she had come to know in Darcy’s world, she resolved to view thatworld with greater generosity and to acknowledge that good and ill existed in all walks of life.
Strangely, Darcy’s world had surpassed her expectations, and as she neared Longbourn, she realised change must also come to her childhood home. Her mother, no longer plagued by anxieties for their future, might finally be at ease and allow her daughters to choose their husbands without interference. Lydia would have to learn to conduct herself with decorum, for in the circles she would soon find herself, men expected more of young women than mere coquetry.
Elizabeth was relieved to find that Longbourn had undergone a subtle transformation in her absence. The knowledge of her marriage to a wealthy man, coupled with what she assumed were her father’s frequent letters—containing more commands than advice—had rendered the ladies of Longbourn unusually reserved and devoid of unnecessary chatter. And to her surprise and happiness, Longbourn was immaculate. This newfound order and peace reassured Elizabeth and made her feel at ease.
The joy her family showed at seeing her was so great that even Mr Balfour and Mrs Reynolds, despite themselves, were drawn into its warmth. The genuine love of the family reunion deepened their trust in Mrs Darcy.
Then Mr and Mrs Phillips arrived, and embraces were exchanged once more.
Not long after that pleasant welcome, Mrs Reynolds was escorted to her chamber to refresh herself, while Mrs Bennet’s curious glances betrayed her inability to understand the lady’s exact standing or role in the Darcys’ house. To Elizabeth’s surprise, she did not pose any questions—a departure from her usual inquisitive nature that left Elizabeth pleasantly surprised.
Meanwhile, Mr Balfour departed on a mysterious excursion with Mr Phillips into Meryton, leaving the ladies to their own devices.
