He would dine at his club, spend the midday hours in blessed anonymity, and return before evening.
At the club, the quiet wrapped around him like a blanket.
“Tea, if you please,” he demanded of the proprietor as he strode to his usual seat by the window.
The main room of the club was dim, its windows set along the western wall so that no passer-by might glimpse inside. Filtered sunlight fell across leather chairs and polishedmahogany tables; the panelled walls lent the space a hushed, dignified air. A great fireplace occupied nearly an entire section of wall, though it remained unlit in the warmth of the day.
The room was silent save for Major Simmons, the elderly gentleman who sat in his usual corner, reading the newspaper and sipping a quiet drink.
It felt like a chamber apart from the world—untouched by haste or change, as though time itself paused at its threshold and left everything within exactly as it had always been.
The proprietor brought Sebastian his tea and a copy of the newspaper, and retreated, granting him his peace and quiet.
Sebastian shut his eyes and leaned back, memories of the previous night slipping traitorously into his mind as he did so. He could not escape them. Pale skin, soft curves and a river of brown hair on the pillow, tousled and sweet-scented, slipped into his head and haunted him. He could not ignore the memories, and he hated himself for his weakness. He had allowed himself to fall into desire and longing, and this was the result.
I’m weak,he told himself angrily.A weak fool.
It was his father’s voice he heard, his father’s words. The man had said it to him a hundred times: that feeling—caring—was weakness. Sebastian had once believed himself immune to that lesson. Discovering Shakespeare had cured him of the notion that emotion was some shameful failing; even the greatest characters were ruled by it. And yet, whenever he despised himself, it was still his father’s voice he heard, his father’s judgement that echoed in his mind.
He flipped the paper over and skimmed the back page—reports of London cricket clubs, small mishaps, new building works. The world felt strangely unreal. His feelings were too new, too raw, and they made everything he had known before—his tidy, ordered life—seem distant, like a story he might once have lived.
He lingered over the article on cricket, fond memories of Cambridge drifting into his thoughts, and gradually his mind settled enough that he could finish the paper and drink his tea without quite so many traitorous images intruding.
He glanced up, about to consider ordering luncheon, when a familiar voice sounded behind him.
“There you are! I thought I might find you here.”
“William?” Sebastian looked at his brother-in-law in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“I had business in town,” William began, “and I said I would look in here on the chance you were about.”
Sebastian frowned, his blue gaze narrowing. “You werelookingfor me? Why?”
A sudden surge of dread swept through him—Gemma hurt, his mother in one of her rages, Evelyn… His thoughts halted there, horror gripping him.
“We were concerned,” William said simply. “It is unlike you to vanish without leaving word.”
Sebastian exhaled. “I am sorry.” He truly had not considered that anyone might worry.
“No apology needed formysake,” William replied, taking a seat without waiting for an invitation.
“Well, I worried you. And Gemma,” Sebastian added.
William lifted a shoulder. “I’ll pass your regrets along. But it isn’t we who should occupy your thoughts.” His voice remained mild. “Evelyn seemed… upset.”
Sebastian’s jaw tightened. “That was not my intention. It was merely… unavoidable. I left early.”
“I assumed as much. Though one might infer your business was extremely urgent, to require such haste.”
“I ate on the way,” Sebastian muttered.
“I imagine you did. None of us ate much last night.” William grimaced.
Sebastian had almost forgotten the strained dinner. He sighed.
Silence settled between them until he looked up and found William watching him, not sternly, but with an expression approaching sadness.
“Is something troubling you?” Sebastian asked, surprised into gentleness.
