Connor turned around. The voices were coming from his window. He’d pulled down the blinds so he wouldn't catch Rachel strolling along the promenade, which she did far too often, but his window was open a crack and Lucy and Maddie seemed to be talking right in front of it.
“Yes, Rachel’s here, Maddie,” Lucy said tensely. “But is she reallyhere? Have you talked to her about anything serious yet? Has she told you what happened in Chicago, how she’s doing, or why she doesn’t want to see Dad? Anything?”
After a brief silence, Maddie meekly replied, “Well, no. But you know Rachel. She doesn’t open up easily. She keeps her thoughts and feelings to herself. She needs time to warm up.”
“We’re her sisters. Why does she need to warm up with us?”
Connor’s jaw tensed. Sometimes, you thought twice before telling the people closest to you something that might upset them. As the oldest sibling in a troubled, unhappy household, you automatically assume the role of protector. It was just the way it was!
He didn’t know Rachel’s family history, but…
I understand you better than you think.
Yes, Rachel had understood him, and he’d bet his firm it was because they were more alike than he wanted to admit. It fit. She immediately defended Maddie. She didn’t share muchpersonal information and preferred asking questions rather than answering them. She wanted a quiet life because hers had never been quiet.
Didn’t Lucy and Maddie understand that? That you had to figure some things out for yourself before bothering the people you loved with them?
“I mean, she should love us as unconditionally as we love her, right?” Lucy continued bitterly. “She should be able to trust us! So why doesn’t she just tell us what’s going on?”
Connor had a momentary lapse in judgment. He didn’t know what came over him, but one moment he was sitting in his office chair, and the next, he was pulling up the blinds and banging his fist against his window.
Maddie and Lucy, who were standing six feet away, were startled and whirled around to face him.
“Hey,” he said sharply. “You should be talkingtoyour sister, notabouther.”
The James sisters stared at him, their mouths gaping.
Fuck. When would he learn to shut up? He should just close the blinds again and get on with his work, but all he could think about was how he would hate it if his siblings thought the distance he’d created between them had anything to do with his love for them. It would kill him to find out that Mall, Allie, and Alec believed they weren’t important enough for him to share his feelings with.
“Have you ever considered that Rachel isn’t hiding things out of resentment, but to protect you? That she’s not sharing what’s on her mind because she doesn’t want to hurt you? Because she feels like she’s let you down enough, and doesn’t want to bother you with her shit?”
“What the hell is happening right now?” Lucy whispered, looking fearfully at Maddie.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “But I think ConnorWTFStone is giving us a dressing down.”
Oh, dear God. “I’m not saying it’s right,” he growled. “I’m not saying she shouldn’t share her worries with you. And, hell, it hasnothingto do with her not loving you — but everything to do with the fact that shedoeslove you. Now get the hell away from my window and get better at having confidential conversations!”
With a yank, he closed the window before letting the blinds fall again. It was Rachel’s fault that he broke his sacred rule to mind his own business and not interfere in anyone else’s!
All in all, Rachel bore a lot of the blame. She was responsible for his poor sleep and lack of concentration. And he no longer trusted his body because, around Rachel, he seemed to lose all control. He made one terrible decision after another… He couldn't think! God, he’d been so angry at her for butting in, even if it hadn’t been her plan, and yet he’d wanted to kiss her. He hadn’t done it just to shut her up but because he hadn’t thought about anything else for weeks. And it had been too intense, too much for him. But he still hadn’t wanted to let go of her as they lay breathing heavily on her desk. He’d tightened his arms around her instead of just getting up and leaving.
And ever since he’d left, his chest had felt tight. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. A mixture of…excitement, longing, and frustration? He was warm and restless.
Shit, there should be a word for what he felt.
His phone vibrated. As if he'd conjured her up with his thoughts alone, Rachel’s name popped up.
Saturday, 12 o’clock: Mini golf date at the course by the beach cafe.
Don’t accuse me of playing dirty again.
Same rules for everyone, right?
He clenched his teeth. Rachel wasted no time. How awfully kind and fair of her to inform him.
He narrowed his eyes and rubbed his chest. Now another ache was added to his exhausting feelings. But if he were honest, he had little desire to analyze them further. The bottom line: he was fucking pissed off. He wanted to get the dates over with and then stay away from her!
“Fuck,” he whispered, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
