She laughed dryly, hating how his face betrayed no emotion as he said it, as if it were as simple as his words, even though it had been consuming her for years. “Oh really? That’s why you didn’t fight? That's why you just…let me go? Because it wasmydecision?”
“I didn’t want to fight,” he stated tonelessly. “I didn’t want to have to prove again why I was enough, Hazel! I know I can be persuasive and make people do what I want. I wanted you because you wantedme, not because I made you want me. And it made sense that you broke up with me. I never really understood what you saw in me anyway.”
“What are you talking about?” Her voice rose with each word. “No one understood what you wanted withme! They called me a gold digger!”
“And me, an arrogant asshole. What’s your point?”
She snorted, even though it made her lungs hurt because the air between them was so thick and charged.
“Hazel,” Gareth said urgently. “Maybe I should have reacted differently — but I’ve fought my whole life for my parents’ love. I just wanted to have it as…as a gift.”
“I would have given youallof me, you idiot,” she snapped, banging her fist against the wall behind her. “I moved to L.A. for you as soon as I’d made a ton of money and had my own reputation, so I wouldn’t be seen as just your appendage. I graduated at the top of my class. I had a prestigious job inNew York. Maybe I should have stayed, but I thought, Hey, I’ve achieved my goals. I have success, respect, and money, and no one associates any of that with you, only with me. I have the security for myself and my mom that I always wanted and not as much to lose anymore, so I could risk it again with you…”
“And then you were mad that I didn’t want to pick up right where we left off? That I didn’t stick to your timetable, Hazel?” he interrupted, shaking his head. “I was a wreck after you broke up with me. I couldn't sleep. I buried myself in work and didn’t even look at another woman for years. With you, I felt like I’d finally found someone who truly knew me — only to have her practically tell me that the real me wasn’t good enough. It was okay that I was your second choice after college…but I wanted all or nothing. I always want all or nothing, you know that, damn it! It’s not enough for me to be considered once you don’t have so much to lose and have gotten over your own insecurities! I don’t want to be a footnote in your biography, something you return to whenever it’s convenient because you’ve achieved your more important goals. I don’t want just a chapter. I want the entire thousand-page middle and the long-winded, never-ending ending!”
Hazel’s eyes burned so mercilessly that her vision blurred. She had never wanted to hurt Gareth, only to protect herself. She had been so afraid of losing herself, her goals, and her independence by his side. “I know I should have talked to you about my fear back then…”
“Oh, you think so?” he snapped.
“…but you know it wasn’t unfounded! Shit, Gareth, I’ve been a successful agent for seven years, yet your father still assumed I was sleeping with you only because I wasn’t smart enough to have an edge!”
“My father is a clueless asshole — just like the people who would have pinned your success on me!”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that they would have seen me as an appendage and denied me my own success!” she retorted sharply. “And I might have been even less successful than I am now because I would have deliberately failed that stupid exam and taken a job near you instead of one of my own choosing! Yes, it was a knee-jerk reaction to break up with you — but then you reacted like you didn’t care, and I thought it was probably the right decision, that you would have left me anyway, and my intention of deliberately messing up the exam for you was even stupider!”
“Your thoughtwasstupid — but not as shitty as your idea to break up, Hazel!” he snapped, gritting his teeth. “Hazel, I wouldn’t haveletyou take a job in L.A. because I damn well knew the offers in New York were better. Hell, I would have stayed in New York for you. I never wanted you to be in my shadow or lose your independence — and why the hell didn’t you tell me who called you a gold digger? I would have rather heard that you were afraid of losing yourself and your lifelong goals in our relationship than that I wasn’t important enough to you, that I wasn’t good enough…”
“But youaregood enough,” she whispered heatedly, wiping a tear from her cheek. “You always were. For me, anyway.”
“Enough to give it another try?” he asked darkly. “All or nothing, Hazel? No contracts. Not just sex. No conduct code. Just us? The way we are?”
Shocked, she opened her mouth. “What exactly do you mean…”
“Hazel, how clear do I have to be? I’m sick of just sleeping with you!” he cried out impatiently.
Alarmed, she looked around. “Keep your voice down, Gareth!” she hissed. “If anyone hears us, the rumors will start.”
“Well, that wouldn’t be a rumor, would it?”
“No one can know!”
“Yeah, maybe that concept is outdated,” he replied tersely, his eyes flashing.
Her heart fluttered nervously, and the panic returned – the panic that had set in after Mr. Clark suggested she was sleeping with Gareth to negotiate better deals… “What are you talking about?”
“Maybe we should stop playing hide-and-seek, Hazel. Maybe we should just…make it official.”
The blood pounded loudly in her ears. “Makewhatofficial?”
“That we thought we couldn’t be together, but instead, we can’t be without each other,” he said calmly.
She shook her head in disbelief. “Gareth, are you crazy? We can’t just tell people we’re fucking, we…”
“That’s not what I want to tell them, Hazel.” He closed his eyes before looking back at her with a sigh. “I was thinking more along the lines of:We’re in a relationship, deal with it.”
Her mouth went dry, and her palms were sweating. “Re…relationship? Gareth. We have a contract, and I was just about to suggest we take some time off.” Her heart was beating too fast, and under Gareth’s intense gaze, she felt dizzy. “You heard your father! It would damage both of our images, and…and…”
“Hazel?” he interrupted, his gentle voice a ridiculous contrast to his unyielding expression. “Can I say what I want to say before youdistance yourselfand panic?”
