“Shut up, Hazel,” he growled. “I don’t play games. You wanted honesty, but now you’re complaining that I gave it to you.”
She laughed dryly. She balled her hands into fists, scratching her nails against the fabric of his suit trousers, feeling his thighs tense under her touch. “If you’re not playing games, what the hell are you doing with yourgirlfriend? Why would you want to marry her if you obviously still want me?”
“I don’t wantyou, Hazel,” he replied sharply, anger flaring in his eyes. “That’s not what I said. My body has trouble getting rid of memories, but I’m in control. And it’s none of your damn business what I do with whom. Who I fuck. Who I want to marry.”
“I know!” she snapped. “But I don’t understand, because, shit, Gareth, if I were her and knew what you were talking to me about right now…” She shook her head. “Do you love her?”
She regretted asking the question. It shouldn’t matter to her. But the mere thought that he did filled her mouth with a bitter taste.
For a moment, Gareth looked irritated, as if he couldn’t follow her train of thought. Then he murmured, “Why does it matter?”
“So, you don’t love her,” Hazel whispered, unsure whether she was relieved or just desperate. Whether her blood pumped faster through her veins because she was angry, or because everything Gareth had said reverberated like butterflies and hot needles through her body.
“I don’t even know if I can love anyone like that, Hazel,” Gareth stated coolly. “If I even understand what the word means. I thought I did with you, but I was fucking wrong, wasn’t I? At least Lacey can’t hurt me.”
“I didn’t know I hurt you, idiot,” she whispered heatedly. “I didn’t realize our breakup even affected you. You’re so damn good at hiding your emotions… I had no idea! I thought I was the only one who was miserable.”
He laughed dryly. “Don’t give me that crap. God, Hazel, it’s okay that you didn’t want me anymore; you don’t have to feel bad about it. But you didn’t have to use exam stress as an excuse to dump me. And you don’t have to tell me you felt bad about the breakup just to make me feel better. I’m an adult. I can handle it.”
“But Iwantedyou, you idiot!” she lashed out. “I didn’t break up with you because I stopped wanting you. I fucking moved to L.A. because Icouldn’tstop loving you! But sometimes it isn’t enough to be so obsessed with someone that it hurts!” Her voice rose with each word. “It wasn’t enough to constantly fantasize about your hands on my body, dreaming about your head between my legs, and being addicted to every sound that ever came out of your throat.” She took a shaky breath. “Do you think I enjoy seeing you and hating you, and getting angrier with every word you say — but still think about the last time you took me in the damn shower? How you needed me so much that youdidn’t care how many times you bumped your elbow on the glass door because the bed was too far away? Do you think you’re the only one whoremembers? For whom it’stoo much?” She leaned forward and glared at him. “If I could, I would get rid of it. This urgent, heavy feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin every time I see you. If it were easier, I would have done something about it long ago. If we had the chance to just fuck for a few weeks until we were finallydonewith each other, I’d probably take it! So this whole thing would finally be over because the contract doesn’t seem to be enough!”
“You shouldn’t have told me that,” Gareth whispered sharply, glaring at her. Their faces were now so close that they were breathing the same air. She recognized the bright reflections in his eyes, which were almost swallowed by his pupils.
“You wanted honesty — now you're complaining that I gave it to you,” she stated, echoing his words.
Gareth snorted, and she felt the rush of air against her lips. She suddenly felt his fingers on her knees. He dug his thumbs into the soft flesh of her thighs, as if he wanted to push her away and finally put some distance between them, but instead, he held her with them. Just like with his gaze.
His eyes were darker than they had been a few minutes ago. Her breathing was louder. The atmosphere was too tense, electrified by the truth that hung between them.
Neither of them should ever have spoken.
They had no words left. They had both said too much, with no solution to their problem.
She couldn’t take back a single word because every single one was stuck on Gareth’s face. In his furrowed brows. His slightly parted lips, his fingers curled beneath the hem of her pencil skirt. They couldn’t go any further, but they couldn’t go back either.
They both wanted to be done with each other…but every damn second felt like an inevitable beginning.
The silence between them crackled loudly, and there was only his intense gaze and this moment…and Hazel leaned forward. Pausing. Waiting. Needing to release the pent-up energy somehow before it imploded and…
“Hazel,” Gareth whispered harshly, his breathing heavy. “I have a girlfriend.”
He abruptly let go of her and rose.
Shit.
Heat filled her face, and her rapid pulse pounded so loudly in her head that she barely heard Gareth quietly close the door behind him.
Chapter Thirteen
Social conduct for hate-free inter-colleague teamwork
Short: SCHIT
Paragraph 12:
The parties may not physically attack each other unless the other party requests it.
What the hell was wrong with her?
