The waiting room, as usual, was empty, and behind the front desk, Department of Fertility Barbie sat sipping what I could only assume was coffee from a mug that saidI’d agree with you but then I’d be an idiot too. It almost made me like her.
As if caught doing something wrong, she blushed and put the mug under her desk, so it was out of my line of vision, then quickly pulled her mask into place. “Miss Murphy! How good to see you.”
“Here for my six-week checkup,” I said, not bothering to act like I was happy to see her or anyone here.
“I’ll let them know you’re here.” She waved toward the waiting room while reaching for the phone with her other hand.
I took a seat, shifted to get comfortable, then picked through the magazines as I waited for Hilary to retrieve me. I hadn’t really intended to do more than browse but was unable to ignore the magazine in the middle of the pile.Department of Fertility Monthlywas printed on the cover in big, bold letters.
I picked it up and leafed through it. There were recipes for healthy meals on a budget, articles about the benefits of exercise, and even interviews from women who’d been in the program. I chose to skim one of those, my frown deepening as I read the gushing words from the proud new mother of twin boys as she talked about how nice everyone at the Department of Fertility had been and how amazing her new housing development was.
I hadn’t known if I would keep my baby when I entered the program, but once I heard the heartbeats, I knew I would. It was still terrifying, though, because I didn’t have a partner. But the government made it all so easy. They gave me a house in this amazing community of people who’ve all been through the same things I have. We have doctors who make house calls and a daycarecenter just down the street, and I don’t ever feel alone. I really couldn’t have asked for anything more.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Snorting at the blatant propaganda, I tossed the still open magazine on the table before glancing at the frosted glass door. Seconds later, Hilary stuck her head out.
“Ara.” A mask covered her nose and mouth, but I could picture the less than happy expression she always wore when dealing with me when she pushed the door open wider.
I stood and followed her through the door.
“How have you been?” Hilary asked as she led the way down the hall. “Your bloodwork is excellent, and your HcG levels are down, so that’s good, but I wanted to check on you emotionally. A lot has been going on both with your body and the world, and I want to be sure you’re handling it all okay.”
Because if I wasn’t, they would be sympathetic to my emotional state and allow me to bow out of this whole thing? Right.
Out loud I said, “Okay. A little concerned about the pandemic, but not bad overall.”
“It is worrisome, I know.” Hilary stopped at one of the first exam rooms and waved for me to enter. “But rest assured, the Department of Fertility has the program’s participants’ best interests in mind as they decide how to proceed.”
Despite it sounding like a canned response, the comment had me instantly on edge. Was she alluding to the fact that things were about to change, or was she trying to put me at ease? If it was the second one, she’d failed. Miserably.
The lights automatically flicked on when I stepped into the room, and even though I knew why I was here, I cringed at the sight of the exam table with its dreaded stirrups.
“The doctor will want to check you out. Make sure everything is all healed and ready for action.” She waved to the exam table where a cloth covering sat ready for me. “You can get undressed from the waist down while you wait.”
“Yeah, okay,” I mumbled, then on instinct, turned to face her. “Can I ask you something?”
Her brows lifted but there was no surprise in her expression. “What is it?”
“There have been these rumors. About what the Department of Fertility is doing with the women in the program. I mean, I know it’s probably crazy and I’ve tried to ignore them, but it has me wondering. And worried as well, if I’m being honest. Can you tell me anything?”
“This was something I was going to address after your appointment, but since you brought it up, I suppose we can get it out of the way. While I can’t speak to the source of the rumors, I can tell you they aren’t completely unfounded. Although they are exaggerated.” Hilary didn’t look at me when she said the first part, but after a slight pause, she lifted her gaze to mine. “Before I go farther, I need to remind you of your confidentiality agreement. Nothing you hear in this building is to be shared on any social media or news outlet. Understand?”
I nodded, too terrified to find my voice. Too busy trying to prepare myself for the impact of what she would say next. As if that was possible.
“I have been ordered to inform all of my girls to pack a bag and be ready. Nothing has been decided yet, but the Secretary of Fertility is meeting with top doctors to discuss if all women in the program need to be moved to a secure location to protect them from this pandemic. I get that it sounds extreme and scary, but know that we aren’t taking any of this lightly. We want to do what’s in the best interest of all the unborn babies in our care as well as those women who haven’t yet conceived. Do you understand?”
For a second, I couldn’t say a thing. It not only didn’t seem fair, but also didn’t seem like something they could do. Despite what Trevor had told me and what I’d said to Bette. They couldn’t lock me away just because I was fertile. Not even the Department of Fertility had that kind of power. Did they?
“Nothing in the contract gives them the authority to do that,” I blurted.
Hilary’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “If you really believe that, you should have paid more attention. The contract clearly states that the best interest of all unborn babies, even those notyet conceived, have the highest priority. It also says that the Department of Fertility has the right to adjust the parameters of your part in the program if circumstances change, including but not limited to any new pandemics. We must, after all, consider what this new virus will do to the human race. You must have seen the news, Ara, read the reports by experts. They’re saying if we don’t do something drastic to save ourselves, this could be the end of humanity.”
I nodded to let her know I’d seen the news, read all the articles, but I couldn’t find my voice. Worse than the knowledge that the rumors had been true was this new understanding of what I’d been forced to sign. They had all the power, could change the rules at any time without much of an excuse, even, and I could do nothing. What would they change next? How would it affect me?
I couldn’t think about it. Not now. Later.
My six-week checkup went well, which caused the doctor to declare in a much too jubilant tone that I was ready to restart the program. It wasn’t a surprise, but unlike before my conversation with Hilary, I no longer had a clear picture of what that would look like. Would I be going to work, hanging out with Trevor, and trying to balance my life with fertility stuff and later a pregnancy, or would I be locked away somewhere secret? If it was the second one, where would I be? Would I be allowed to talk to Trevor, or would we be barred from the outside world completely? Since it was supposed to be confidential, and since I was now pretty sure this was already happening in more populated areas of the country, I assumed that like a princess locked in a tower by her evil stepmother, I’d be totally cut off from the outside world. At least I would have the other women in the program to lean on. That was something.
