He looked at Hilary when he said it, playing his part perfectly. When she’d moved on, though, he shifted his attention to me. We stared at one another, communicating silently, him telling me he was sorry that I was going through this, me telling him I was thankful for the support.
The silent exchange was over in seconds, but enough to give me the strength to follow Hilary. I might not have Trevor’s shoulder to cry on this time around, but I wasn’t alone, either. Not completely, anyway.
My second inseminationwasn’t much different from the first other than the setting. The doctor was younger and less jovial than the one from back home, and the nurse hadn’t yet learned to detest me. Hilary was present, but thankfully stood behind me, and was out of my line of sight. I stared at the ceiling the entire time the way I had before, but instead of a stupid motivationalposter, I focused on a chandelier. Counting the tear-shaped crystals was an even better way to distract myself from what was going on between my legs, and before I’d made it past fifty, the doctor stood and declared that I was all set.
“We’ll see you back in two weeks if you don’t get your cycle,” he said as he pulled the latex gloves from his hands and tossed them into a nearby trashcan. “Be sure to get lots of rest and drink plenty of water in the meantime, okay? We want to keep that body of yours shipshape, so it’s ready.”
“I will,” I mumbled as I lowered my legs.
The doctor gave me a tight smile before pushing through the curtains, his focus already shifting to the nurse. “Who do we have next?”
“Three pregnant women for checkups, one who’s two days overdue,” the nurse replied.
The curtain fell back into place, blocking them from view but not muffling their words since there was very little privacy.
“Get the portable ultrasound for that one. If her fluid is good, I’ll let her go a few more days before we attempt to induce since I already have one c-section and two inductions scheduled. Damn, I wish they would send us a few more doctors. I’m spread too thin already and inseminating more women every day. How the hell do they expect us to keep up with everything?”
He and the nurse had made it far enough away that I couldn’t hear the woman’s response. Not that I cared since I was too busy thinking about the sperm that had been injected into my uterus. It made me physically ill.
“We’ve been through all this before,” Hilary said, as she crossed the small room to the curtain. “You can get dressed and go about your normal schedule, but remember not to overdo it.”
Like an obedient child, I nodded.
Hilary pressed her lips together in disapproval the way she always did and shoved the curtain aside, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll see you at group.”
She ducked out, and the curtain fell back into place with a whoosh, leaving me alone. Thankfully.
I took my time getting dressed even though breakfast wouldbe ending soon. My stomach was too uneasy to eat, anyway, and I wasn’t exactly in a rush to get to my work shift. Minder Jane had no doubt been informed of my change in status, so there was a good excuse for my absence, and even though I’d come to appreciate the routine, I wasn’t in a hurry to answer questions about where I’d been or act like it didn’t bother me. It did bother me. A whole hell of a lot.
Once I was dressed, I pushed through the curtain and headed out. Multiple conversations were audible, some obviously counseling sessions while others were patients talking to the doctors or one of the nurses. Even though there wasn’t a lot of privacy, the portable walls had succeeded in muffling the words enough that I couldn’t make all of them out, and I tried not to absorb the ones I did. We had so little privacy as it was.
Marc glanced over his shoulder when I stepped through the curtain and in a low voice asked, “You okay?”
“As good as I can be,” I replied, also keeping my voice down even though we were alone.
He followed my progress with his eyes as I moved around the desk. The intense way he watched me had the hair on my scalp prickling, and I couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking. Was he disgusted? Angry for me? Confused? I felt all three emotions, along with a dozen others.
The silence stretched out, making it awkward and loaded, but was finally broken by the thud of footsteps heading our way.
Marc glanced toward the curtain I’d just stepped through, then back at me. “Meet me on the fourth floor during your free time.”
My heart leapt.
We’d talked, but only in passing other than a couple meetings on the terrace. Getting together on the fourth floor, though, was a whole different thing. It would be private. Intimate. It would be a risk.
I wanted to do it.
“Tonight,” I whispered. “I’ll see you there.”
I said it just in time because a second later, the curtain was pushed aside, and Hilary appeared.
She visibly startled when she saw me. “Did you need something, Miss Murphy?”
Not wanting her to get suspicious, I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. “Yes, I was wondering if it was okay for me to lie down. I know I have breakfast cleanup, but I haven’t been sleeping well, and I know I’m not supposed to overdo it.”
Hilary lifted her eyebrows as she raised her tablet. She flicked a finger across the screen a few times, pulled up my information and scanned it, while at her side, Marc stared at me. It wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t been sleeping well. I never did when I wasn’t in my own bed, and we hadn’t been here long enough for me to get used to my new surroundings.
My minder clicked her tongue. “I do see some irregular sleep patterns, although they’re not so bad that your wristband has alerted me to them.” Her eyes flicked up to meet mine. “You feel like a nap will help?”
