“Kitten, I—” I started to speak, but my stomach rolled again, and I ran for the bathroom. I barely got to the toilet in time before I was throwing up.
Fuck. The one perfect moment we’d had, and I had to go and ruin it by getting sick.
I had to leave him alone in the wake of it.
I had to leave him alone…
Fuck. I had to get back out there and get him cuffed to the bed before he could make a run for it, but my stomach began to empty itself anew as I had the thought. I groaned, unable to do anything but worship the porcelain god as everything came up. I slumped to the floor even as I tried to command myself to get up.
And in the next room was my kitten, unwatched and free, while I could do nothing at all.
17
RYDER? TOBY? RYDER
Iwas smiling.
I’d tried to fight it at first, but it was all I could do not to outright laugh in the wake of our playtime. I was relaxed in a way I hadn’t been in so long, and I didn’t even mind that I’d been acting like an idiot because it had been fun.
I didn’t know what would happen next, but for the first time, I was ready to face it. I was ready to look him in the eyes and challenge him, to see just what he might do. Would he coax me toward more smiles and the laughter that was so close to bubbling over? Or would he go and ruin it again like he had the last time?
Before I could figure it out, he started to speak before making a mad dash for the bathroom, and I blinked owlishly after him as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Had I done something wrong?
Why would he run from me when?—
When he started to retch, I realized what was going on. He’d been acting a little off, but I’d thought it had just beenbecause of how I was playing. I hadn’t understood that something else was going on. And now…
Now I didn’t know what the hell to do.
This was the first time I’d been left unfettered and free, alone in his room, and a part of me screamed to take advantage of it. From the sound of it, he was going to be trapped in the bathroom for a little bit, which meant he was utterly useless.
Which meant I could make a break for it at long last.
I could get dressed in his clothes andrun.
Instead, I remained on the floor, sitting back on my heels.
I didn’t know why I wasn’t running. It was like when there had been a knock on the door, and I hadn’t screamed for someone to help me. I could’ve alerted someone to my presence then, and I had a chance to get the fuck out of here now. I should’ve been taking advantage of it.
I got to my feet, and it felt strange to stand after so long of not being permitted to. I stretched, and my eyes went to his closet almost before the thought could cross my mind. There it was. I just had to go for it.
I glanced back toward the bathroom, where he couldn’t seem to stop vomiting for longer than a few seconds. He had to know the risk, but he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. It would serve him right to have to stay in there knowing that I was making a run for it.
He deserved to be left on his knees, incapable of doing anything while his mind raced. He needed to know what it felt like to be so helpless, to know his entire world was being ripped to shreds while he remained trapped.
So why wasn’t I getting dressed and bailing before he could recover?
I didn’t like to admit it, even to myself, but I felt bad for him.
Until I’d grown used to them, his scars had been hideous, capable of scaring most people off before they even spoke to him for the first time. He’d lost everything because of an accident — because I remembered now that he’d helped someone else escape the fire instead of getting himself out.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to the man who had sacrificed everything for another person. How had he gone from that to… this?
And I was scared. He’d been so kind to me, but if I tried to make a break for it and failed, what would he do? The basement would be the least of my worries. He wouldn’t forgive me for trying to leave, even though we both knew it was the logical thing for me to do. He knew I wanted my old life back, and I had the chance to get it. He’d left my hands free, he hadn’t secured the collar around my neck with a lock, and now I was alone in his room.
I could do anything I wanted.
Instead, I stood there in indecision, incapable of doing anything at all as the thoughts raced through my mind. I knew what I should do, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
