“You knew,” I whispered.
“Knew what?” he asked, his hand leaving my arm before settling at the nape of my neck. His lips found the spot just below my right ear, and he began to kiss down my throat.
I shivered, his hot breath on my skin making me respond all over again. So help me, those soft nips andkisses were having more of an effect on me than they should ever have had. I swallowed hard, trying desperately to refuse my own responses.
Why was he doing this to me?
“Toby,” I said, closing my eyes.
His fingers lightly stroked the back of my neck as he kissed down to my shoulder blades, and I was keenly aware of the fact that I was naked for the first time in a long time. Even when I’d been so self-conscious about my erection, it hadn’t stricken me this hard. But now, I knew, and I knew he could see every little reaction, every little twitch.
He could hear every single whimper, too.
“What about you?” he asked, nipping lightly before his teeth bore down, tongue lashing against my skin.
I cried out, but it didn’t deter him. He sucked and bit the skin, and I knew what he was doing.
He was marking me.
Dread suffused me, leaving me at its mercy — at his mercy — and so help me, my cock slowly started to harden again. I should’ve hated it, the slight pain and the misery, but my body liked it.
Just as it had apparently liked him taking charge of me and pushing into my throat, leaving me at his mercy, leaving me gagging around him.
My hand went to the back of his head, wrapping my fingers in the strands of hair, and I considered pulling him back. He wouldn’t like it; I knew that much. But I couldn’t keep liking this either. I didn’t know what it would do to me if he truly brought pleasure to me all over again when I was already aroused because of him.
The last time had been rape, pure and simple. This time…
I wasn’t even saying no.
It would still be rape.
I still enjoyed his touch, even though I wanted to scream at him to stop. I didn’t know what to do, and I sat back on my heels, hard.
He pulled away as I did, but his fingers brushed the hickey he’d left. Satisfaction lacing his expression, he murmured, “You look so beautiful with my mark on you. Do you know that, Toby?”
He was calling me Toby more and more, drilling it into my head until I was no longer sure where Ryder ended and Toby began — or maybe where Toby ended and Ryder began.
I just didn’t know.
“Do you want me to touch you, kitten?”
A dangerous fucking question. If I was honest, the answer would be no — and he’d get upset, just like he always did, when I tried to refuse him. He might touch me anyway. But if I wasn’t honest, he’d definitely touch me, and I’d have to face the fact that I liked it.
I wasn’t ready for that, not then, not by a long shot.
“I’m not ready,” I told him, deciding that honesty was the best way to handle this — honesty, sugar-coated and delivered to him upon a silver platter. It was the best I could do, offering an answer that was somewhere between truth and lie.
He sighed, watching me for a moment. “Your body is,” he said softly. He reached out, running his finger along the tip of my cock.
I let out a strangled sound as it jumped, as it responded to his touch, and I shook my head fervently. “I’m not… I’m not ready. Please,” I pleaded. “Please give me time.”
“I’ve given you a lot of time,” he said, as though heexpected me to be grateful that he hadn’t done any of this before. “How much do you need?”
Was it a legitimate question, or was it a trap? I didn’t know.
Fuck, I didn’t know, and I didn’t know what to do.
12
