“I’m upset, but I’m not mad,” I finally decided on. It was as close to the truth as I could get without worrying about pissing him off.
At least, I hoped it wouldn’t piss him off.
If he didn’t want the truth, he shouldn’t have asked.
“I understand,” he said after a pause.
Did he? Could he?
“But you’re mine,” he continued.
“I know,” I said, my voice sharper than I’d intended it to be.
His arms tightened around me, fingers grasping the leather of the harness harder. “Then remember it,” he warned.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I told him. “You asked me a question. I was honest. Do you want me to lie?”
No. He wanted me to want this, to want him. But I didn’t, and I wouldn’t. Not then, not ever.
“No,” he replied, but there was an edge to his voice.
Fuck, when was he going to understand that surrendering to him didn’t mean I wanted him? Was he so delusional that he couldn’t? I didn’t know. I’d have said once that he was delusional enough to take me and expect there not to be any consequences, but the simple truth was that he’d done that and more.
Was anyone even looking for me anymore?
A pang went through me at the thought of potentially being left here, all leads exhausted and no one caring. What had he said when I’d first arrived? That no one would miss me?
This was the first time I wondered if he was right.
“Then what do you want from me?” I pressed.
“You know the answer to that,” he snapped. He let me go, sitting up on the bed with his back to me.
I knew the answer, and it wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t know how the hell to get him to see that! Even though I’d gotten erections from his touch, from the cat tail plug, that didn’t mean I was gay or that I was suddenly going to like men.
“I can’t force that,” I told him as gently as I could.
He turned around, the darkness evident in his expression once more. “I know,” he snarled. “I know,” he repeated a little more quietly.
You aren’t going to make me love you this way.
I wanted to say the words so badly, to remind him that he was never going to get what he wanted when he was treating me like this?—
“What way?” he snapped.
Fuck. I’d said it aloud.
“By being like this!” I said. In for a penny…
“Like what?” He grabbed me by the harness, yanking me close.
I froze like prey in a predator’s sights, hardly daring to breathe.
“I said, like what!”
“This,” I said, squirming and trying to back away from him despite knowing it was a bad idea. “You get so mad at me and you get this look?—”
“It isn’t supposed to be like this!” he said, his lips almost against mine. He kissed me, hard and rough, his fingers twisting in the leather of the harness. “You aren’t what I wanted.”
