“What are you doing?” I finally asked.
“I thought that was obvious,” he said with a familiar amount of sass that left my heart racing.
It was still there. He was still there. But at the same time, that meant he wasn’t going to be what I wanted, yet… I couldn’t make sense of what was going through my own mind.
“Don’t snark off at me,” I warned him.
Whatever it was he saw in my face had his mouth closing as fast as it had opened.
I sighed. “You can’t just start meowing and think that’s going to change anything. I wanted a pup, and I’m going to get a pup.”
“But what if you could have a kitten instead?” he asked hesitantly, his voice almost too soft to hear. “What if…” He swallowed hard, throat working. “What if I wanted it?”
A shudder ran through me. The idea of him surrendering because he wanted to instead of because I was forcing him was entirely too appealing. “You don’t really want it,” I said, my voice rough.
“You’re right,” he said.
It stung, and I flinched.
“But if I’m going to be your pet, I’d rather be a cat than a dog.” He was pleading, looking at me with eyes I could drown in, and there was so much conviction in his voice.
How had he come to this conclusion? What had happened to make him decide he was going to go along with it but on his own terms?
I didn’t like the idea of him making the decisions for himself, but at the same time… If it meant he’d go with it willingly, could I really afford to say no?
I exhaled slowly, trying to figure out what the fuck to do. “Okay,” I said after a long moment. “Okay.”
He looked so hopeful that he was almost like a lost little puppy for a moment, and I felt a pang. That was what I wanted. I wanted that loyalty, that dedication, that devotion. A cat would never show those things. I could’ve had a real pet, but I wanted more.
He knew that. He knew my back was against the wall, and he was taking advantage of it.
He was taking advantage of me.
But if I would get something close to what I’d wanted…
“Okay?” he prompted, fear briefly flitting across his features.
I sighed. “Yes. Okay. But,” I pointed a finger at him, and he flinched, “that doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want. You’re still going to obey me. You still go in the kennel, you still get bathed, you still wear what I want you to wear, and you still do what I want you to do. Understood?”
“Yes, Master,” he said.
The words were like a balm to my fractured soul, and I gazed at him for another long moment as I rolled them around in my mind. I wanted it to always be this way. I wanted him to always speak to me like that, so hopeful and sweet.
“The first thing I’m going to do is get you a butt plug with a nice fluffy tail,” I told him, a bit cruelly.
He blanched.
“Are you going to wear it without complaint, little kitty?”
He bit his bottom lip, and I ached to kiss him and flick my tongue across the marks he was leaving there. I wanted to let my tongue delve into his mouth, to explore and taste him, to claim what was mine in truth.
“Yes,” he finally whispered.
Now that the idea had started to settle in, I had ideas for what I could do with a kitty instead of a puppy. I’d have to order some new equipment and supplies, but I could do that. I’d just need to do a little bit of research to see what I was in for — assuming, of course, he had any idea what proper kitty play actually consisted of. I’d probably have to teach him that it was about more than just meowing and wearing a tail.
I’d have to teach him that there was just a little attitude that would have to be mixed into his submission and that he’d be walking a fine line between too much and not enough. I didn’t think he’d completely thought this through, and that thought alone was enough to make me embrace the idea more. As long as he stayed off balance, I stayed in control.
He may have seen me at a loss for a few moments, but that was it. He wasn’t going to see me like that again, even if Iwasstruggling to figure out a situation.
