He couldn’t be expecting me to do this to myself, could he?
Oh, fuck, why was I surprised? He’d made me do everything to myself so far, and it only made sense that he’d keep doing that. But this wasn’t something small. This was huge.
The alternative was worse.
I stared at him from my little dog bed in the opposite corner.
He quirked a brow. “I’m not going to wait here forever.” His voice was mild enough, but I could hear the threat in it. “And if you keep balking and refusing, I’m going to walk out of this door and let you shit in your own cell. It can stay there until I feel like coming back downstairs, too.”
That made it even worse, but then, every time I thought I’d had to sink to the lowest depths of his depravity, he came up with something worse.
For the first time, it really hit me, and it hit me hard. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked repeatedly as I tried to clear my vision. I didn’t want him to see me cry either, but that…
That was going to happen either way. He was going to push and push, and he was going to keep pushing until this wasn’t the worst of the things I’d done to myself.
Even though he’d said he wasn’t going to wait, he waited until I got myself together and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. This was going to be horrible and disgusting, and I knew it.
He gestured with the nozzle in his hand. It glistened with something he must’ve put on it during my little breakdown, but I didn’t even remember him moving. It didn’t matter.
I whimpered but slowly got up. Trying to wrap theblanket around me wasn’t feasible, and I had to walk naked to the edge of the cell to take the nozzle from him.
He smiled, and I hated that it made the scars seem less noticeable somehow. He was the enemy. He deserved to be ugly and hideous and disgusting, and…
He was utterly in control of both of us.
My hand shook, and I thought I was going to drop the fucking thing. I was all too aware of the nozzle on the tip, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his fingers go to a clip in the tubing.
Despair became my entire world.
“Get down on all fours,” he instructed me. “Ass up in the air, facing this direction.”
Of course he wanted to watch. Of course he wanted to be the creepy fuck I was getting to know — whether I wanted to or not.
How long could I refuse before I did the inevitable? I wasn’t sure I could live with myself if I just gave in instantly, but there I was, poised to do just that.
Well, maybe not instantly, but it felt like it.
Slowly, I got down onto the smooth, cold cement of the floor, my ass toward him.
At least that way, he couldn’t see that I was crying again.
“You’re going to slide the nozzle into your ass.”
Fucking really? Like I didn’t already know that? “Shove it up your own ass,” I muttered.
“What was that?” he asked from behind me.
“Nothing.”
He wouldn’t care what it was anyway. He was determined to do this to me, and no matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop him.
Oh, hell, he wasn’t even doing it. I wouldn’t be able tostopmyself, and that was getting to me so much that the shaking got even worse.
“There’s lube on it,” he said, like he was some saint for putting the stuff onto the nozzle, “so it should just slide right in. Just relax.”
I cast him an incredulous look over my shoulder, but he only shrugged, unrepentant. I had to wonder if there was a part of him that cared what he was doing at all, or if he was really that much of a sick pervert. If there was something human in him, I could appeal to that — couldn’t I?
No. I’d been trying.
