You can’t outrun this.
The words echo in my head like a broken, scratchy whisper.
I shake my head again. “Stop. Please, stop.”
You can’t change it now. No one can.
“Stop!” I beat the counter, and freeze—feeling more like my mother than ever.
And that’s when it hits me.
The suppressants.
The only time my mother didn’t hit things was when she was on suppressants. Maybe that’s what I need. Not to give up, but tofight.To keep my mind intact. Maybe meds are my key to staying here, with Rowen and the pack.
Photos sway on the drying lines. I focus on the nearest one—a picture of Jasmine and Forest in the backyard. Then a picture of Ivy. Of Rowen. One by one, they anchor me, helping me ignore the voice screaming in the shadows.
I don’twantthe voices. I wantthis. To stay here with them.
I pluck a photo of Rowen down and stare at him, my heart aching. A tightness forms behind my ribs, like a living thing pulling me toward him. I want to go to him, but I can’t. How can I be a fair partner to him if all I do is keep avoiding the truth?
The truth is, I need help.
No more hiding. They deserve better.
Turning the projector off, I leave the darkroom and head to find Red.
He’s in the medic room and glances up as I close the door behind me. “Hey, Toby.”
I chew my lip. “I need to ask you something, and I need it to stay between us.”
Red’s expression hardens. “You know pack rules. If it’s anything important, I need to take it up the chain.”
“I know.” I sigh. “But this is personal.”
He crosses his arms, waiting.
My heart beats wildly as I stare at him. Once I say this, there’s no turning back. He might take it to Grant or Forest, and it might be the end of everything.
Red tilts his head, as if sensing my struggle. He steps closer.
I blurt it out before he reaches me. “I think I need shifter suppressants.”
Alarm flickers in his eyes. He pauses before replying, his tone soft. “Have you been having symptoms?”
I resist the urge to pick at my nails. Lying won’t help any more than hiding from it has. I need to face this. For Rowen. For everyone.
I slide my eyes closed. “I’ve… heard voices,” I admit quietly. “A few times now. But I’ve—I don’t know, I’vefeltit too. Like I’m… losing myself or something. I don’t know how to describe it.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I just want to do something before it gets worse.”
Red’s face gives nothing away. He doesn’t even seem surprised. With a nod of his head, he gestures for me to sit down.
He swivels another chair around to face me. “Remember when I asked about your mother?”
“Yeah.”
He pulls a folder out from a stack on the counter. “I found something, and I’ve been hesitant to tell you.”
I fold my arms. “Is it bad?”
