Rowen whines, nudging me. Like he knows I’m no longer talking about the pack. I’m talking about what happened in that room.
That wasn’t you, Toby. You and I both know that.
You could’ve died.
Stop. It wasn’t you. I’m fine. There’s nothing to forgive you for.
I wish I believed him. I want to, so badly, because I don’t want to live with this guilt forever. I curl tighter against him, willing him to make it real.
On the second day of being a fox, everything irritates me.
I nip at everything, growling or bolting away, not wanting to be touched. The pressure closing in is suffocating. I keep scratching at my fur, but it relieves nothing, like I’m trapped in a too-small body.
I’m sick of this! I need out!
Rowen sits on his haunches.Just… I don’t know, call to the other part of you. Like switching something from the right hand to the left.
I huff.Maybe I can’t. Maybe I’m only left-handed now.
He laughs, which only irritates me further. I snap at him.
You can do this, Toby.
I sit down and curl my tail around my paws, trying to do as he says, but it’s like a dark hole in my mind. I can’t see or feel ordoanything. Panic claws at me.What if I can’t?
You’re trying too hard. Let it come naturally.
Easy for you to say! You’ve done this your whole life.
He snorts.I struggled my first few times too.
I cock my head.You did?
After a pause, he says,Okay, no. I didn’t. But—hey!
Rowen yelps as I bite his ear, and snaps at me playfully. We wrestle and play, until he gets up to chase me through the trees. He almost reaches me before I dart into a bush.
Cheater.
Am not! I just have some advantages being this small.
He lies down, looking at me through an opening in the branches.You really are so damn cute. You have no idea.
I growl.Take it back.
Nope, you’re cute.
I yip at him and start the chase all over again. This time, Rowen catches me, and we tumble together in a mess of fur and paws. We both laugh, then the sadness settles over me again. If we were human, I’d kiss him right now.
Rowen must be thinking the same thing. He licks my head.Don’t worry about it. You’ll shift back. I know you will.
I settle against his solid chest. Somehow, despite everything, I trust him this time.
The next day is more of the same, except Rowen is clearly healthy again. He’s moving much faster now, catching me every time. Each time we tumble together, the ache in me deepens. I need to feel his arms around me so badly.
The sound of twigs snapping echoes through the trees. I jump up.Someone’s coming.
Rowen barely moves.I know. It’s just Sage.
