Me:Be warned. The Parents have been informed of you. Expect Facebook friend requests within the hour. (I wish I was kidding. My sisters probably will too. Groan. I’m so sorry… lol)
Talking to my parents always leaves me with mixed feelings, like I’m happy and sad at the same time. We’re not great at keeping in touch, and sometimes months go by without a word. There were even a few years I skipped going home for Christmas because I was too drained, and my family would’ve been too much. I love them, but it’s not the comfort of what a family should be.
Jordan’s family, on the other hand? Spending time with them was refreshing. It’s a different kind of family, yes, but it felt like a family nonetheless.
Which brings me back to our future. I don’t know if Jordan will want to leave them, and even if he did, I don’t know if I’d want him to. His dad’s cold love hurt Jordan in a deep way, along with losing both of his siblings. Jordan needs Declan, Piper, and Seth just as much as I need my family. He shouldn’t walk away from them.
But maybe that’s the key difference. My family never left me, even when I traveled. They’re still my family. They’re still there, it’s just different. Declan and Piper would still be there for Jordan, if he chose to travel… wouldn’t they?
There are so many pieces we still need to figure out, and trying to do it through a screen is damn near impossible. I need toseehim and hear his voice without the alteration of technology.
But that’s not going to happen. It’s impossible to get time off right now.
I rub my face. This whole thing is starting to feel impossible. I need something else to keep me busy.
I see David at the nurse’s station and take it as my sign. “Hey, David? Can I borrow your library card again?”
The lights are soft in the room as I browse the shelves, all the sounds muffled. I brush my fingers along the spines of the books as I pass, hoping one will magically jump out at me. Now that I’m here, I’m not in the mood to browse.
I haven’t been myself this week. I’ve been struggling to do pretty much anything aside from moping in bed. I don’t want toadmit it, but Jordan’s and my nightly video calls are less than satisfying. It’s not him; we still connect, but it’s not the same.
I always thought I’d like doing long distance, that I’d be okay with it, but it turns out I hate it. No wonder no one wanted to try it with me.
My phone buzzes with a message as I scan the YA section.
I unlock my phone to see a text from Jordan.
THE ACHE OF SOMEDAY
I miss you with hands
that can’t touch,
a heart that stirs
but doesn’t ignite.
You’re soft where the world bruised me.
Warm when I’ve only known cold.
Yet still my body forgets.
It forgets how to follow desire
and how to trust joy.
But how can it,
when it never forgets
how to love?
I want to want it.
The desire,
the heat,
