“Nah, I’m good. Don’t want to mess up your streak.”
“What streak? I’m losing.”
“Exactly.”
Miles gasps. “How dare you!”
Pete can’t stop grinning every time he looks at Miles—still stunned, I think, to be talking to his nephew again. I wonder what their story is. Miles hadn’t stopped talking in the car ride over to tell me, instead telling me how his Uncle Pete had been at every school game to see him cheer.
I’d nearly swerved off the road when he said that. “Wait, you were a cheerleader?”
He rolled his eyes. “I know. Shocking,” he’d said scathingly. “But yes! I was on the cheer team. Helped my squad win some state championships too.”
“Oh, honey. Please tell me you have pictures. I need to see this.”
“I’m sure my mom does somewhere. If you’rereallylucky, she might even have video.”
I’m starting to understand Miles’ shame about his weight, but he shouldn’t ever worry. I’d meant what I said last night. Miles is beautiful.
A chair scrapes beside me on the patio. “Is he always this charming?” Andy asks, balancing a plate stacked with more ribs and more pasta salad.
I can’t hold back a smile. “Pretty much.”
“I don’t know why I’m surprised. Pete has told me so much about him I feel like I already know him.” Andy takes a bite of pasta salad, then wipes his mouth. “You know, Pete has neverregretted leaving Michigan, but he has always regretted leaving Miles. It was the one thing he wishes he could do different.”
I frown a little.How’d they lose touch with each other then?
I should ask Miles, not Andy. “Well, maybe it’ll be good for them to reunite.”
“Yeah. I think so too. It’s nice seeing Pete so happy.”
I glance back at Miles, who’s high-fiving Piper for a good throw. All evening I’ve been comparing this night to other barbecues, where everything felt too loud, too bright. When joy felt like a language I didn’t know how to speak. Even just a few weeks ago, I’d shown up to Declan’s house barely holding it together and smiling through the numbness. I could barely taste the food and had to force myself to laugh. I was hollow. Empty.
But now?
Now I don’t need to fake anything.
Miles looks over then, like he can feel me watching. Our eyes meet, and he smiles that soft, private smile that I’ve come to love.
I smile back. Easily. Without effort. Today has been the most real day I’ve had in a long time. Maybe ever. And it’s all because of Miles. He doesn’t even realize what he’s done or what he’s doing—because he’s just being himself. His friendship reached through the fog and pulled me out of the depths. He became an anchor of the sweetest kind. “You’re glowing,” Andy says softly.
“Oh, shut up,” I mutter, shoving him.
Andy just chuckles and leaves me alone with my drink and my thoughts.
I’m not naïve. Meeting Miles is not a miracle turnaround, and I know that. Depression doesn’t just go away with the flip of a switch. The dark will come back. It always does. But for the first time in a long time, I’m not bracing for it. Because Miles has helped me see I’m not nearly as alone, or as broken, as I feel.
I used to think that loving someone meant handing them a map to all my fault lines and telling them it wasn’t worth it. I thought it meant I had to push them away, to protect them. But Miles acts like he already knows where my faults are, and he’s choosing to tread carefully. He doesn’t try to fix me or encourage me to change. He just holds steady, making me believe I’m enough.
But he’s also helping me see Icanchange, if I want to. He’s reminding me it doesn’t have to be this way. Two years ago, I’d accepted my diagnosis and the prescription as if they were a lifeline. I’d clung to them and never questioned them. But maybe I should’ve. If these last couple of days have been proof of anything, it’s that I’ve only been scratching the surface of what it means to be alive.
I pull my phone out to open the Notes app and type a single line:The Sweetest Anchor.
The group finishes their game, Declan and Pete celebrating the win while Miles pouts.
Pete and Seth join us at the table, then Piper, Declan and Miles bring some lawn chairs over to sit with us. I’m trapped in a corner between Andy and Seth, so Miles sits in the grass with the others.
“Soooo,” Piper drawls. “I think we’ve waited long enough, but now you need to spill the beans. It’s the whole reason we’re here! Tell us. How’d you two meet?”
