I find the wide-eyed, shocked emoji and send him two.
Me:Okay, YAY! I’m totally on board with this. Let’s nerd out together.
Jordan:LOL. Don’t get too excited. I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing.
I’m still grinning.It’s not hard, I promise. It’ll just feel weird holding it all in your hands at first.
Jordan:… mm-hmm. I can confirm. It definitely did…
It takes a moment. Then my cheeks heat as I burst out laughing.
Me:OMG! What I mean is… you know what. Never mind. We’re both gay. Dick jokes are always welcome around me. And you’re right! It IS weird holding one for the first time!
Jordan sends a thumbs up, then a laughing emoji, making me think he’d dropped his phone laughing or something. Or maybe he’s flustered I called him gay. I shouldn’t assume.
Me:Well, I’m gay anyway. I shouldn’t speak for you.
I bite my lip as I wait. Maybe it’s too forward? Or he’s trying to backpedal? Or maybe he’s uncomfortable being called out. But why crack a dick joke then? And why join the Plant Daddies group if you don’t like men? The banner of the groupclearlysays, “Where We Talk about Men, Plants… and Other Things.” The ‘I’ in “things” is even phallic shaped, with jizz for the dot.
Jordan:I’m pansexual, I think. But yes, I prefer men.
I squirm again.
Me:Well, lucky for you, I happen to be one!
Jordan:Not so lucky when you’re a million miles away… or however far. I don’t even know where you are. Your profile doesn’t say.
He looked at my profile? Does that mean he’s curious too?
Me:Hey, don’t burst my bubble! I’m pretending you’re next door so we can do hot things together. (And I’m in Salt Lake City at the moment. Stationed here for another six months. Where are you?)
Jordan:San Diego. Tell me more about these hot things…
I smirk as I take another bite of ice cream.
Me:Mmm… nope. It’s too early for those details. You might run away, and I enjoy these conversations far too much…
I hit send before realizing how that sounds.
Me:Anywayyyy, let me find you a good tutorial so you can make a starter chain. If it still doesn’t click, we can video chat and I’ll walk you through it. Deal?
Jordan:Okay. (But I still want details.)
I laugh again.
It takes a few minutes to find a decent tutorial, and for the rest of the night, Jordan is quiet.
I check in with Jordan the following day, while dumping my craft store haul on the bed. I might’ve gone overboard, but I couldn’t decide on a color for the new pattern I’m going to try.
Me:How’s it going? Figure out the starter chain yet?
His “active” light turns from red to green almost instantly, making me grin. He sends a picture of a… well, I don’t want to be rude, buthorriblecrocheted chain. Each loop is uneven and too loose.
I stifle a laugh. “Oh, no.”
Me:Okay, that’s a good start!
Jordan:Yeah, yeah. I can hear you laughing.
