“I was going to say, it was my mistake to assume that you’d want to stay. Here, with me,” I admitted. “That’s what I do when I fall in love, Alex. I jump right into the deep end and go straight for the happy ending, which means I always end up expecting too much, too soon. It’s why I haven’t had a real relationship in… god, years if I’m honest.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “But with you, I knew you needed space to figure things out, and that included giving you time to decide if you even wanted to choose me,” I said, disheartened.
“That’s just it, though.” Alex took a step closer and cupped my elbow. “At some point during the last couple of months, I jumped in too. I realized it when I woke up one morning and didn’t want to start my day without sharing a quiet coffee with you. Maybe it didn’t happen as fast for me, but I was…amin this just as deep as you, Vaughn.”
I couldn’t look away from his stormy blue eyes. They were even more beautiful than I remembered, and full of such raw honesty that I knew I had no reason to doubt him.
“If that’s true, then why did you leave?” I asked. “I mean, yeah, you stayed here, but why shut me out?”
It took him a moment to answer. “Because I didn’t trust you when I should have,” he said simply. “When I started to think about how much you’ve done for me, it just felt like I was back at square one. Grant helped me out of grief. Then you helped me out of the mess with Grant. It just… I knew I wanted the job, but I was scared to admit that because I had a feeling you were going to want me to stay and take Melanie’s place. You’d mentioned it a couple of times, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you that’s not what I wanted. So I guess I thought you’d make me choose. Stay with you, or go with the job.”
I had to look away, more than a little hurt he’d think that about me. “It didn’t have to come to that. You didn’t have to choose me or the job, Alex. If you had just talked to me… I mean, yeah, the timing sucked with Melanie leaving and all, but I would have supported you. And when I heard about the apartment, from Melanie no less… it just…hurt. It felt like you were going to just pack up and go. Roxy’s recovery was over, and…” I closed my eyes in frustration. “You didn’t have a reason to stay, so…”
Alex put a hand to my neck and brushed a thumb over my jaw, drawing my attention back to him. “I did have a reason,” he said softly. “I know I screwed up, but I also didn’t know what to think. Everything with you is so different. The opposite of what I’m used to. Where there was pain before, there’s now comfort. Where he held me back, yougive me the freedom to be who I am. I’m still learning to trust that, and I should have, Vaughn. I also should’ve talked to you. All you’ve done from the first day we met was put my needs first, so I should’ve known you’d listen, and that you’d support me with this. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
My cheek burned when he pulled his hand away, and tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to reach out to him, but Alex still hadn’t addressed the one thing I really needed him to. The one thing that hurt me the most.
“You need to know how proud I am of you for making all these changes. Beyond proud, actually, for accepting that job and working your ass off for something you want. But you made it clearIwas one of the things you weren’t sure about. ThatIwas nothing more than a choice to you. And that hurt, Alex. I care for you so much, love you even, and you knew that when you shut me out. You heard me say it, yet you still chose to walk away from me.”
Alex’s face darkened with shame. “I know, and I’m sorry. I really am. But you were never an option, Vaughn. Once I dove in too, you became the most important piece of the puzzle. I think… I think some part of me just needed to prove to myself that Icouldput myself first and stand on my own two feet, but I was wrong to do that at your expense. I haven’t talked to you because honestly, until you said those things to Grant, I wasn’t sure you’d ever forgive me. I thought I ruined everything between us.”
I hadn’t realized we’d leaned in at some point until he tilted his head and hovered his lips over mine. “I haven’t, have I, Doc?”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him hard before burying my face in his neck. The roller coaster of emotions today had taken their toll, but Alex’s warm body and familiar scent grounded me in the way that I’d needed since the day he walked away.
“You haven’t ruined anything,” I said.
“I love you, Vaughn.”
I smiled and held him even tighter. “I love you too.”
After a minute, Alex pulled back. A glint of humor shone in his eyes before he kissed me. “There’s something else I want to say.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, suddenly worried.
“Do you have any idea how hot you it was watching you deck Grant like that?”
I burst out laughing.
“I’m serious. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone defend me like that. It was hot as fuck.”
“I have no idea where that came from, but you would’ve done the same thing. The asshole deserved it after what he did to you. Actually, he deserves a lot more than just a punch to the face, but I really didn’t want to go to jail.”
I tried to pull away, but Alex refused to let me go, kissing me one more time. “Thank you,” he whispered.
As his gaze lingered for several seconds, I knew he’d meant that for so much more than standing up against his ex. It was for believing in him and giving him a chance. For loving him, even when he’d thought himself unlovable.
Something burned deep in my belly, an uncontrollable need to show him that things between us were okay now. “Come inside with me?” I whispered. “I want to show you just how much I love you.”
30
Roxy bolted around the corner as soon as she heard us enter the house, but her enthusiasm turned to annoyance when we bypassed her and headed straight to my bedroom. She growled once and ran for the hem of Alex’s pants, nipping them and trying to pull him back.
I chuckled. “Wow. She really doesn’t like you getting laid, does she?” I mused.
“No. Grant was usually pretty rough, so I think it makes her uneasy.”
I frowned and bent to pick Roxy up. “Hey, girl, I’m not going to hurt your daddy, okay? I might make him get a little loud, but I promise, it’ll be a good thing.”
Alex laughed while Roxy huffed, eyes still on Alex. I set her down in the hall as soon as we were both in the room, and Alex was quick to shut her out. After a quick sniff under the door and a single scratch, it sounded like she walked away to play with Noel.
