Bri laughed. “I’m serious! I heard you laugh more in those few hours at Silverwood than I have this entire last year combined. That says everything to me.”
I dropped my gaze, trying hard to take that for the compliment it was. I hadn’t thought myself to be so… emotionless before Alex came around, but my sister was right. I had just been going through the motions before. Alexdidmake me laugh, and he did it without even trying. Things with him just felt so natural and real, and he made me happy. Truly happy.
And I have no idea if I will ever be that way again.
Reaching into the pocket of my pants, I pulled out what was easily the most meaningful thing anyone had ever given to me. After removing the hook from the lure, I’d carried the dumb thing in my pocket and had started to consider it a good luck charm. That was until Alex left.
I handed it to Mom.
“What’s this?” she asked, turning it over. The metal flickered in the fading sun, reminding me of the way the light had danced off the water the day he’d given it to me.
“I’m pretty surethatis what Alex used to snare my heart with,” I said, trying to smile.
Mom raised a brow. “It’s pretty… I think?” she questioned.
I laughed at her obvious confusion. “It’s a fishing lure. He bought it for me after a bad week at work because he thought it would make me feel better.” I reached down to pat Noel’s side, needing her comfort. “The guy literally had pennies to his name, Mom, and he still wanted to use the few he had to buy me a lure, hoping it would make me happy. That’s the kind of guy he is.”
Bri squeezed my shoulder, blinking back tears.
It was a long time before Mom spoke, her focus on the tiny object in my hand. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about someone like you’re talking about this Alex.”
I looked her in the eyes and said with complete certainty, “That’s because I haven’t. This is… I don’t know. He’s different.”
She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I don’t even know him, and I already know that’s true, son.” She gestured to the lure. “I think it says a lot about someone’s heart when they are willing to give you more than what they have to give.”
I nodded, no longer trying to hide the tears welling in my eyes. “So now you know why I’m a mess. It just fucking hurts that he left!”
The fact that Mom didn’t flinch at my choice of words told me just how well she understood my heartache. “Do you know that for certain?”
I shrugged. “It feels like it, since he won’t even talk to me.”
“You want to know what I think?” she asked as she held the lure out for me. “I think that while Roxy might be completely healed,hisrecovery period isn’t quite over.”
I furrowed my brows. “It’s been months since he left that guy.”
She nodded. “Honey, you know as well as I do that some injuries might look like they’re healed when they really aren’t. Not on the inside, at least. And this… when someone physically and emotionally hurts us like what he’s been through… that can take a really long time to come back from. Maybe Alex hasn’t really let himself deal with it yet.”
“He says he has,” I said, thinking about all the times Alex had said he was starting to feel again. How he’d felt alive in a way he hadn’t in a long time.
“And maybe he has. But maybe there’s a chance he was just trying to keep ten steps ahead of the pain too, and Roxy’s injury was what finally forced him to slow down and face it.”
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek, hating the possibility that Mom was right. “So what do I do?” I asked. “I don’t want to lose him, Mom. I love him!”
“Well, let me ask you something. Does Alex know his job isn’t a factor in your relationship?” Mom asked.
“I think so. I mean, I told him I wanted him at the clinic while Mel was gone, but that was only supposed to be temporary.” And I’d made that clear…hadn’t I?
“He needs toknowthat, though.More than anything, Alex needs to know he has your support in his decisions.”
“I do support him,” I said quickly.
She waited a beat, as if searching for the right words. “That kind of trust can be hard to believe in after someone’s played with your heart for a while.”
I looked away, twirling the lure between thumb and forefinger as I thought about everything she’d said. Could Mom be right? Could Alex’s fears from his past be what’s making it difficult for him to trust me? It made sense. Why would he, when I’d practically done the same thing his ex had by suggesting I knew what was best for him? It wasn’t like I’d tried very hard the last few weeks to let him know how proud I was of him for accomplishing something on his own.
And I was proud of him. So damn proud!
Fuck, things were so messed up!
