I nodded, trying to convince myself I agreed with her. But it wouldn’t have mattered if I did, becauseAlexdidn’t think he was making a mistake. He simply didn’t see it that way. He saw this as his opportunity to make his own choices after years of not being able to do so, and who was I to tell him otherwise? After all he’d been through, Alex deserved that at least.
As much as it hurt, and as much as I hated it, I still thought Alex deserved the chance to choose what made him happy, even if that wasn’t me.
24
In the weeks after Melanie went into labor, we felt her loss in a tremendous way, and it made Alex’s absence just that much more devastating. I missed Melanie’s quick thinking, attention to detail, and organized routines, which in turn made me miss Alex’s calm presence and quiet reassurances that we’d get through the chaos of the next few weeks.
William and James were doing as much as they could to help, but they still had commitments at the other clinics, so they couldn’t pick up too many extra hours. Grace had volunteered to come in for half-day shifts on Mondays and Wednesdays, as long as I allowed her to study her notes while in the office. She also agreed to work full time during her two-week break over Thanksgiving. But the weeks leading up to that were beyond stressful, and the final few days before Thanksgiving were an absolute nightmare.
On top of our normal routine visits, we also had four emergency calls within two days. My friend Nate’s border collie had gone into labor a full month early, delivering three premature puppies. We lost one an hour after it was born, but the other two showed promising signs of survival with around-the-clock care. Then, on Tuesday, two sheep had been attacked by a wolf in the area. One had nothing more than a few shallow bite marks that would heal on their own, but the other required surgery to repair the torn tendons in her leg.
Then there was Buddy, the old golden retriever with the eye injury that I’d been treating for over two months. He had been brought in on Tuesday after getting into something that exacerbated the wound overnight. His owner had given him a dose of Benadryl to reduce the swelling, just as I’d instructed, but it had only helped a little. By the time he’d arrived at the clinic, the poor dog was in extreme pain. It was clear with just one look at him that the damage was beyond my ability to repair, which meant William and I had no choice but to perform an emergency enucleation.
To add the cherry to the cake, someone dropped off an abandoned litter of kittens while we were in surgery too. They were found under a truck the day before, and the mother was nowhere in sight. James and I confirmed they were all at least five days old and surprisingly healthy, but with their mother gone, it meant Grace had to bottle-feed the four newborns on top of doing her normal duties. It was just one more of those things thatifAlex had been here, it wouldn’t have been so stressful.
After checking on the newborn puppies, I went to the office to catch up on some paperwork. I was dead tired on my feet and counting down the minutes until we were closed. All I wanted was a plate of warm food and to sleep until morning.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw Grace talking to Alex at the desk. He was wearing the blue coat I’d given him, which was unzipped and revealed a simple red shirt underneath. God, he looked amazing, and it filled me with such longing to be this close and not be able to go to him. It had been over three weeks since our fight, and this was the first I’d seen him come in through the office. With the outside access to the loft, he had no reason to come in here anymore… and every reason to avoid me.
The moment Alex saw me, he held my gaze for a few seconds before tipping his head respectfully and walking away. I wanted to call after him but had no idea what to say, especially in front of the others.
Grace gave me a sad look before returning her attention to one of the kittens in her arms. James was standing nearby and just tried hard to pretend like nothing had happened. That’s how had it gone ever since they’d heard about our fight. William, Grace, and James all treated Alex cordially whenever they saw him around, but they were careful not to talk about him around me. At first, I’d appreciated it and thought it would help, but now… well, now I hated it. I felt like everyone was walking on eggshells. I fucking missed Alex, and knowing they missed him too made it all that much worse.
But what could I do if Alex still wasn’t talking to me?
I collapsed into the chair, rubbing a hand across the back of my neck. “I was hoping I’d get some sleep tonight before heading out with Bri in the morning,” I said with a groan, “but now with the Larson’s sheep here, and Buddy, not to mention all these newborns….”
Grace turned her chair to face me, lifting a bottle to one of the kittens. The others were asleep in a small box on the desk. “Well, if you’re comfortable with it, I’d be happy to take the kittens home,” she said.
I lifted my head. “Really?”
She nodded. “Yeah. My younger sister fosters kittens for the shelter in Rathdrum. She knows how to bottle feed and would be thrilled to help me take care of these guys over the weekend.”
“That would be wonderful. Thank you.”
“I can help too,” James offered. “The sheep should be going home tomorrow morning as long as there’s no sign of infection, so that’s one less patient. And we’re closed Thursday and Friday, but I can stop in a few times a day to check in on the puppies and Buddy. My wife and I aren’t going anywhere.”
I leaned back in my seat, sighing in relief. “Thank you, guys. I mean it. You’ve been a huge help these last few weeks. I promise you, once Mel is back, you’ll be rewarded for your hard work. Just do me a favor, okay?”
They both looked at me expectantly.
“Next time Melanie decides to run off and have a baby, make sure I have a better backup plan and not give up after only a couple of interviews.”
They both laughed. “Will do, boss,” James teased.
We all finished our paperwork and cleaned up the office. I waved good-bye to each of them as they left, and helped Grace load a large box of formula and bottles into her back seat for the kittens.
When they were gone, I went back in to check on Buddy one more time, feeling heartbroken that things had deteriorated so fast for him. I knew he’d adjust and still live a normal, happy life with only one eye, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel bad about what had happened.
I knelt beside his kennel and slanted my head in the direction of the stairs, sure I’d heard music coming from upstairs. When all I heard was silence, I let out a sigh, convinced my mind had been playing tricks on me and making me imagine things that weren’t really there. The low, keening melody would have reflected the same lonely song of my heart.
But then I heard Roxy bark and knew it hadn’t been my imagination. I listened to Alex play over Roxy’s scuffles for a few aching minutes until his heavy footsteps started to descend the stairs outside.
When I saw him pass by one of the windows, I wanted so badly to go to him, to force him to talk to me so we could set things right, but how could I when it wasn’t me who walked away?
I need to stand on my own again, to be the kind of man my dad knew I would be.
Couldn’t he see that he already was?
