Alex dropped his gaze, ashamed.
“So it’s true, then?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“I asked about one, yeah.”
I sank back into the chair, pain exploding in my chest. “That’s nice.”
“I was going to tell you tonight,” he said.
“Yeah,afterI finished with Roxy, right? After I signed off on her care and was no longer needed? Is that it?”
“Vaughn—”
“No. Screw you, Alex. I wanted to believe this was more than that, but clearly, it’s not.”
I hastily climbed out of the chair and went to the filing cabinet, fumbling to put Roxy’s file away. The sooner I could get away from him, the better. When I turned around, Alex was right in front of me, inches away.
“I was going to tell you,” he repeated.
I opened my mouth to reply, but another swell of emotion made it difficult to speak. I hadn’t cried since the day Mom moved away to Newport, yet here he was, reducing me to tears.Damn him.
“Tell me what exactly?” I asked harshly.
His jaw ticked, and his blue eyes danced between mine, pleading. “I was going to tell you I’d found a job. With that landscaping company.”
I scoffed. “Alex, you do realize Halloween is in three days, right? Landscaping is a seasonal job, so in a few weeks, you’ll be right back where you started. You’d be better off taking Melanie’s job through the winter. It’s the best option.”
Again, his jaw ticked as he glared at me. I was really beginning to hate that tick. “So you think you can decide what’s best for me?” he asked in a low voice.
I shook my head in frustration. A part of me wanted to point out that handing out free medical care to injured animals wasn’t the best kind of work for me either, but deep down, I knew that would be the wrong thing to say. I never wanted to make Alex feel guilty about our arrangement, even in a moment of anger.
“Yes, it’s seasonal,” Alex continued. “I said the same thing when John offered me the job, but he promised he has work for me. And soon, it’ll be snowing. His company is one of the city’s main contractors for plowing, so there will be work. And the apartment was one John suggested. I just called to see what my options were.”
Fresh pain lanced through me. “So that’s it? I’m just anoptionto you? Did you even stop to ask yourself if Iwantedyou to go? I needed you!”
Alex recoiled as if my words had slapped him across the face.
I couldn’t look at him any longer and stepped around him, but Alex whirled on me. “Do you know what that feels like? To evenhaveoptions, Vaughn? No, of course you don’t because you’ve built yourself an amazing fucking career from the ground up! Well, you know what? I havenothing!NOTHING! And if it hadn’t been for you these last few weeks, I would’ve believed that’s all I’lleverhave.” He took a breath, eyes blazing with fury, and spoke in a quieter voice. “You made me want to live again, but this… this isn’t living.”
I flinched.
“Living inyourloft, takingyourfood. It’s not who I am, Vaughn. I am not the kind of guy who can just take and take from someone. Or, at least, I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve lived that life, and I don’t want it again. I need a job! I need…” He shook his head. “Look, maybe we’re too different. You don’t understand where I’m coming from, and you probably never will. Last Saturday reminded me how easily I’ve let myself fall back into that routine. How comfortable I’ve become letting you provide everything for me. I can’t do that anymore. It’s not me! I need to stand on my own again, to be the kind of guy my dad always said I would be.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. How he was lumping what we had into the same box as him and Grant. Everything we’d shared. Every kiss, every touch, every memory… it was all tainted in his eyes now. To him, it meant nothing except a meal over his head and care for his pug.
I could do nothing but stare at him in stunned, devastating silence.Fuck.My damn heart was going to break right here in front of him! But deep down, I also knew Alex was right. Even if I didn’t want to hear it, what he’d said was true. In all my haste, Ihadn’tstopped to consider what this job offer would mean to Alex. He’d lived two years with a guy who told him what he could wear or where he could go. After he’d finally gotten away from that and had a taste of true freedom, who was I to think he’d want to stay?
“We’re not like that,” I said quietly, clinging to my last shred of hope. “You and I are nothing like that.”
Alex pressed his lips together in a firm line. “I can’t live like that again, Vaughn. I just can’t.”
Roxy was still sniffing around the clinic, tail wagging in that signature pug circle, and he snapped his fingers to get her attention.
“Come on, Rox. We’re going upstairs.”
As he turned to leave, the crack that had been forming on my heart shattered into a thousand ugly crystals, but somehow, I still managed to call his name one last time. “Just… don’t feel like you need to go to that studio, okay? Stay in the loft until you figure things out. It’s yours as long as you need it.”Please don’t leave me. Not without giving me a way to know where you are, that you’re safe.
He didn’t reply before turning and heading to the stairs.
